Reason for not Posting Today (and the 29 after that)

A version of this post has been sitting as a 'saved draft' for a couple weeks now. It was the responses to that last 'Raise Your Hand if' that managed to convince me to hit the 'post' button. {thanks for pointing out the obvious to me kalani ;) }
Im going to take a break from my blog for 1 month to sit back and observe how hard that is for me. Hopefully it won't be that difficult and I'll conclude that its safe for me to come back in a much more limited and well balanced way (Osbasso has a good idea with using a timer). My work and social life have suffered a bit because of the amount of time I spend on The Nut and others sites. I fear it's only a matter of time before my reponsibilities as a parent become jaded as well. I look forward to coming back and keeping things in check from there on out. I am also inspired by Jags who mentioned one time that she had similar concerns and made the efforts to successfully correct it just like that. I want to use the push I'm getting from your honest answers from yesterday's question as a catalyst before that inspiration fades. Im going through some stressful stuff with Aspen's mom as of late and have found comfort in your company, but I have to keep my focus on what needs to be done in RL rather than retreating.
I am in touch with several of you now outside the blog world and don't want that to change at all. So feel free to keep up the convos and contact please! Ill keep Aspen's site updated of course and will post for this Halloween HNT since it's already done. Hopefully none of you will ask for your toothbrush back and won't throw out mine. Dale, I will happily post the pic and recipes should the Broncs lose our game in mid November. Duff, would you be so kind as to take over Sentence Saturday? You're a champ! And to all the rest of you, I cherish you! Take care until then! Thanks Friends. ;)

Raise Your Hand if...

Raise your hand if you have noticed undesirable effects in your persona as a result of blogging.


Aspen Art Update

Aspen has posted a bunch of new stuff. I ask that you check out the comments on this one in particular.

And The Winner Is...

WOW! is all I have to say! WOW! This is what went down...
For the Tiebreaker I took some contestants advice and took an excerpt from an old archived post and gave it to the two finalists. Who were the finalists? Osbasso and Katehopeeden! They both did an oustanding job by getting 23 of the 25 answers! I couldnt believe it! I got in touch with them both and after an embarrasing false start last night (again my humblist of appologies!) I sent the excerpt out at 11am eastern time this morning. Well, I don't know what secret browsing tricks these guys have but their answers came in at 11:02 and 11:04 am!!! And the winner was this person. Mega congrats to you both! I cannot believe how well you two did. I myself would have got maybe 10 correct if I had played.
And for the rest of you, here are the right answers: A9 - B3 - C8 - D11 - E15 - F22 - G1 - H24 - I7 - J10 - K18 - L13 - M5 - N20 - O25 - P2 - Q14 - R19 - S23 - T17 - U21 - V12 - W4 - X16 - AND Y6.
If you are interested, here is the clue I gave them to find the hidden post...

here you go Os and Kate: look for this excerpt from a post of mine. it is with a pic and this is only part of the post. may the best blogger win!
"picture a dry erase board to my life that says : 5,475 days without stepping on a nail"
im sure well have a winner within minutes!

Do you know where it is?
Thanks again to you all for playing! I hope you all had fun! I know I did.

Ten Prerecorded Phrases my Blowup Doll was Programmed to Say

many thanks to nati for the help on this. wink wink.

1- Is that all we got to work with?
2- Hmmm, 47 seconds. A new record!
3- Not there. Not tonite.
4- You woke me up for THAT?
5- Would it kill you to bathe first?
6- You're cleaning that up!
7- Why dont you invite that tall guy you hang out with to join us sometime?
8- Could you not talk? Its kind of killing it for me.
9- So I'm your last resort huh? Surprise surprise!
10-You know, they make a pill that will fix that.



The Game update

Contestants go here. There is an important issue to deal with.

Sentence Saturday

Duff once again saved the day! She should addopt this from me. I clearly am not responsible enough! Thanks again hon!


Raise Your Hand if...

Raise your hand if you have noticed positive changes in yourself since you began blogging.



I encourage, neigh expect, everyone to try their hand at this new self enhancing and challenging blog participation tradition of Femi-mommys! Dont hold back!! click here!

The Game time is running out! last chance!

Hey contestants! Don't forget! 11:59 pm eastern time! All responses due! Good luck! There may be an extension due to extenuating circumstances for one beloved contestant. I'll keep you posted. PUT YOUR DARN BLOGNAMES AND USER NAMES ON YOUR ANSWERS PEOPLE!!! DONT MAKE ME LOOK FOR THEM!! I DONT HAVE YOUR REAL NAMES OR EMAIL ADDRESSES MEMORIZED!!! thanks


Something Ive been Wanting to Say

FYI: Today I could have posted about the AWESOME String Cheese concert I saw last night. I could have posted about how Ive been called for the last 2 days to be an extra in that Will Ferrell movie filming out here. But Im not. I want to post about something else thats been on my mind:
Since participating in HNT some 10 weeks ago I have come across far too many to count negative, cutting, undeserving, hurtful and quite frankly shallow comments by women HNTers regarding bodies and pics being shared for all. Honestly, its disheartening and frustrating! The thing is, these comments arent directed toward other women, they direct them toward themselves!! And whats more nearly 100% of the time these self imposed snipps and criticisms are TOTALLY undeserving!! Today alone I found myself saying WTF no fewer than 4 times trying to comprehend where on earth theyre coming from. And that was just this week!
And what Im about to say is not just my oppinion. I know what I am attracted to in a woman outwardly, and I know my male friends are attracted to the same thing cause weve discussed it. And guess what: there is NO consistancy as to her physical traits (granted, there is such thing as 'too heavy' but that goes for men AND women right?). What matters is not the roundness of the ass or the perkiness of the breasts or the curve of the hips. What matters is the confidence with which she carries all these 'imperfections' around with her. Her posture not the smoothness of the back, the angle she holds her head not the shape of it, the broadness of the smile not the fullness of her lips, the gleam in her eyes not the depth of their color. I have stared intently at the sexiest midriff ever and its not that slim, it just moves with confidence and allure.
You may have noticed that I have always used the word 'honey' when reffering to a woman that I find attractive. I don't use the word 'hottie' as some have pointed out because I am not interested in 'hotties'. There is a difference. A 'honey' has a vibe (yeah make fun of my hippie lexicon if you want, Im not ashamed) an aura, a radiance about her that can be overpowering whether shes 5'6 and 160 or 6'2 and 120. A hottie is just parts that might be fun to stare at but not worth getting to know (and there seem to be a few of those on HNT as well). If I can get one point across with this its that (as cliche as this is going to sound) the radiance is what is attractive and that isnt in your shape or height or weight. Its in your movement and laughter and the kindess and frquency of a casual touch.
So please PLEASE keep that in mind before you point out how much you hate a scar on your belly or how unhappy you are with your thighs or how unatractive you think your face is. Youre so missing the point about HNT! If I can make a quick case in point: I get quite a few HNT comments. Why? Im 5'9 138. I dont work out and dont have a full head of hair. I am NOT anything special to look at in those terms. I have fun with HNT and I honestly believe thats what people are seeing and finding attractive. It certainly is not my biceps that women find worth commenting on OR my pecs! It has to be that intangible something that is visible through the lens.
I hope this makes some kind of sense and that somebody out there who needed to read this actually did because I just find it such a shame that this thinking is so rampant in blogland and in real life. Thanks for listening.


The Game Update

First off let me say that you guys whom I've heard from so far ROCK ! This has been the greatest thing to watch unfold EVER! The amount of effort that you guys are putting into this is remarkable! I am so glad I made the prize something worthwhile, it's so worth seeing the tensions rising day by day.
note: the prize was almost a "I loveMe Some Rusty Nuts" t-shirt that i designed but what guys gonna wear that right?
And the emails I'm getting from you crack me up! Some of you dont stop at asking for help, no, some of you send me SERIOUSLY half naked pics of yourselves doing cartwheels in a thong on a beach hoping that will get me to spill the beans!! (dont try it dale!). And whoever that is who figured out my phone number and is texting me hourly with "A=7?", you can stop it! The answer is "maybe".
Anyway, there are 2 who have turned in their answers (no katehopeeden, you dont get to turn in multiple tries, and I dont care if it DIDNT say that in the rules!) and they did very well indeed! MUCH better than I thought the winner was going to do. But nobody has "won" yet. And I may need to seriously consider what to do for a tiebreaker.
So, I will be out of touch for most of tomorrow, youll have to get along without me for a day. Friday 11:59 pm email: bricotrout@hotmail.com (there was a type-o earrlier I am told).
And keep going for it! Dont give up! Every answer is out there!

When Challenged (countdown to humiliation-just a reminder)

One month ago it was revealed that fellow blogger and link on my site (hanging by a thread buddy!) Dale, though a fellow CU alumn and patron of The Sink and Albums on the Hill, is in reality an Oakland Raiders fan. I, on the other hand, am a Broncos fan. For those who arent aware of what exactly this means, it would not be innaccurate to say that that rivalry is right up there in depth and history with the Red Sox Yankees rivalry.
Now that youre sufficiently caught up on our little history, Dale (aka Kodijack) offered a challenge, a dare as it were, a bet in other words. He proposed that on Sunday Nov. 13th when our two teams meet in Oakland, if The Broncos dont cover his 4 point spread that he asked for that I would have to post a pic of me in a two piece suit AND 2 four ingredient vegetarian recipes (do I have that right Dale?). After laughing at the fact that he KNEW he would have to ask for SOME kind of spread I regained composure and thought about what should I ask in return. Hmmm....
I have come up with it. And to really make sure that he doesnt turn the counter challenge down I'm not going to spot him just 4 points. No, I'm going to spot him a full 11 1/2 points!! You heard it right folks. If The Broncos dont beat The Raiders by 12 points or better I will post a pic of myself in a suit and 2 full on veggie recipes on that very Sunday night.
However, when the Broncos DO win by 12 points, Dale will post a pic that very next Thursday on Osbassos HNT site of him in a Bronco cheerleading outfit (youre in Colorado Dale, don't make like you wont be able to find one)!
Theres the counter challenge Dale. We await to hear if you accept! And yes, your face has to be in the pic!
It's On!!

Raise Your Hand If...

Raise your hand if you have ever met in person someone that you originally met through your blog.


"How much are THOSE tickets?!"

This morning while driving to work and listening to the radio I catch a commerical come across the air waves that as a father I know to pay attention to. Its for one of those traveling Disney on Ice shows that comes around about every 1 and a half months where the ticket prices arent too bad but the merchandise within comes with layaway plans. If youre a parent you know exactly what I'm talking about and if youre not youre probably blissfully unaware that such things even exist (I envy you in the second category, I really do!).
This particular tour is called Disney Princesses on Ice. I gather it's some newly contrived joy fest where all the princesses (Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Belle, Princess Jasmine, Arriel) live together and giggle and skate around in little costumes and throw pillows at eachother and conserve water by showering... (okay, I'm going off in a different direction now,so let me just get back on track). ANYAWAY, the end of the commercial is what really caught my attention. It said, and I quote (no lie now!): "...So come to Disney Princesses on Ice and enjoy the happy endings!"
No shit? Happy endings?! For realzies? Not the Disney I remember as a kid! I'll see you in the Princess Jasmine line!!

Introducing "Raise Your Hand If..."

If you're a regular to The Rusty Nut then you probably realize that a RNT daily post usually falls into one of a few categories. There's the ever growing in popularity "Aspen Quotes" (it seems my readers just love to see Bricotrout being taken down a notch by a 6 year old blood relative). There's the "True Stories" that I weave up for you all that are indeed true from my recent or long ago past. On Saturday's we can expect the "Sentences" that allow us to be sexually ambiguous in our statements without fear of being shunned. How about the "Reason for not Posting Today" whenever I can't come up with anything else within a 24 hour period. And on occasion there's just a picture or two that I shot 'cause something looked pretty or funny or both. But probably the most popular is the "Ten Things" lists that I throw up on occasion.
Well, last night, at 1:30 am to be specific, something hit me, an idea that I felt was so worthy of not forgetting that I had to pull myself out of bed and write it down. It is "Raise your hand if..." in which I pose a poll like question to you all, in hopes of hearing your response one way or the other on the issue. I like it because I think it can bring out the ways we are all the same that we never really realized. Generally the issue will deal with our main commonality, blogging, but not always. The sad part is that this will probably end up replacing the "Reason for not Posting" category. Why, you tremble in remorse? Because it's easier to come up with a random poll question than a random reason. The nature of this topic will be a shade different than Jenny's Question of the Week. This is more of a "I do or don't and why or why not" nature.
Anyway, here's the first one. Welcome to "Raise Your Hand if..."... and just to break the ice. I'll comment first.

Raise Your Hand if... your significant other doesn't know about your blog.


Stoopid Kayak Tricks cont...

The last outing of the season. Brico shows how it's done and Cass follows suit like a pro.


Sentence Saturday #4

Ooops! My bad! What with crawling down sewage wells all night I got a bit discombobulated. Thanks for the reminder Duff. *takes out little book and puts 4 tally marks next to the name duff*


An Excerpt from This Evening

Another night of falling asleep at Miguel's place after another evening of being served cuba libres when requesting rum & cokes (rember that rant?) When we get back to his place he suggests tossing the frisbee (from here on out referred to as the 'b') in the street. I'm not about to rain on somebody's parade so I willingly grab it out of the trunk (once a boy scout, always a boy scout - "always prepared" is our moto). I turn and toss it toward him. It slices badly and lands in the street about 10 feet in front of him. He stands there then suddenly yells "Dude!" It's only about 2 seconds that I wonder "What?" until I realize that my b has found its way into the only drain ditch within 50 yards. My very first throw! Sweet!
Now, without a few rum & cokes the response would have been "Damn, theres $10 down the drain." But WITH a few of those modified cuba libres the response becomes "Okay, lets get to it!" Within seconds He and I are putting our all into lifting the drain grate to the side. Who in the hell decided to make these weigh 750 + pounds??? I grab my trusty flashlight out of the Jeep (see the boyscout creed above) and use it to illuminte the obstacles that lie between me and my sphere of fun lieing buried in soggy leaves 12 feet below my feet. There is but one step about 4 feet down, from there its a narrow drop. I count 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9+ potential poisonous spider dwellings lining the way down. I'm all for letting all living creatures be in peace but I'm not for letting myself become the source of a local news channel filler story. I hand Miguel the flashlight and instruct him where to point it. I kick the nests of doom aside and manage to drop down without scuffing myself up too badly on the 50 year old brick lining during the drop. I grab the treasured b and look up at him. His hand reaches down and I hear "Okay man, toss it up!" His other hand resting on the grate. The opening scene from raiders of the Lost Ark comes to mind: "Toss me the whip!"
"Toss me the statue and I'll toss you the whip Mr. Jones!"
"Goodbye Mr. Jones"
So I toss him the statue I mean b and the light remains focused on my only hand hold 3 feet above my head. Heres to choosing your friends wisely!
After a few attempts that probably would have made America's Funniest Home Videos if a camera had been present, I get a good grip and work my way out while annhialating spiders nests #10,11,12,13,14 and 15 with my face.
We carefully work the monstrous mass of metal back into place without crushing any fingers. I put the flashlight back away and make about 20 throws (the b hitting the ground about 23 times in those 20 throws) before I conclude that neither of us are coordinated enough to actually be throwing or catching a flying piece of plastic in the darkness and I ponder what a stoopid concept of a passtime this really is anyway and I make the call to go inside and call it a night.

click here for THE GAME, cause its on!!

So many of you were dancing from foot to foot and ready to wet your pant(ie)s that I rearranged my busy schedule of sleeping and slacking off to get this up a day and a half early. Cause I care!
As you will see, the game is located in the July 2004 archive (accessible on the lower right side of this page). Everything else is explained there (yes, including the prize).
Good luck to you all!


The Game: Entry Date has Passed

We had 4 more entrants getting in their pic submissions for The Game today. So add to the prior list of me, osbasso, femi-mommy, kalani, jan, jenny, kirl, monkey, rabbit, sasha, shhh, sissy b, supergoddess, lance, dale, erik, spinning girl, jamwall, platkat, just thinking, and wendy... we now welcome katehopeeden, waterpixie, berrie333, and happykap. Welcome you four! You beat the arbirtrary and completely random submission deadline just under the wire! At this point I stick to my timeline of having the contest underway by Sunday morning. I will announce it in full glory here along with the mystery prize!! (dang! THAT took a long time). I will give everyone 1 week to go over the entries to a painstaking and mindnumbing degree and get their answers emailed to me. Then the winner will be announced in full glory here as soon as I can figure out who actually won (if that looks like it will be too time consuming then I'll just pick a winner at random*) Anyone will be able to enter the guessing phase but the prize eligiblity is only for those who got off their asses and turned in their pics. Good job to those of you who did!
Thanks again and we'll see you back here Sunday.
*after all, we're all winners**
**not really, most of us are actually losers. there WILL be a real winner!
Finally, mega-ultra-super-cyber kisses and thumbs up type props to the ever cool, ever sweet, ever sexy, ever smart, and ever generous to a fault KALANI for taking me by the metaphorical hand and guiding me through the cyber wasteland of useless and longwinded info to a site that allowed me ( a virtual E putz) to create this new template before you with little help, albeit much stress and wimpering. Oh yeah, she was on the receiving end of much of that wimpering too, so that's just one more way you rock! Thanks doll!


The Game time cometh

If you were wanting to play The Game and hadn't yet submitted your computer and profile pics yet, let me know that you want to play so I'll know to wait for you (where are you Duff and katehopeeden?). These are who are playing thus far with their pics in: me, osbasso, femi-mommy, kalani, jan, jenny, kirl, monkey, rabbit, sasha, shhh, sissy b, supergoddess, lance, dale, erik, spinning girl, jamwall, platkat, just thinking, and wendy. For the 2 of you who don't have avatars i have made a generic one for you with your name on it. If I don't hear from anyone else then we should be a go for Sunday. The prize for the winner(s) will be announced then. If you did submit your stuff and I didn't list you here, then resubmit it please. If you're not familiar with some of these folks, then track them down and familiarize yourself with their work. Some clues are easy, some are quite obscure, but I think everyone has clues visible and recognizable to the discerning eye.
See you all at midnight!
Happy pre HNT ever'body!

The New and Improved Nut

It's alright! Don't panic! Yes, you are at the right blog. What with everyone getting all high techy in the blogosphere and adopting these way cool and state of the art templates and layouts (kalani and jackie to name a few) I decided to completely overhaul and revamp the Rusty Nut from cyberground up. What lies before you now is 3 weeks of tirelss monitor gazing, web design consulting, hair pulling and general keyboard bashing. My hard work and sweat have finally paid off! Behold! The fruits of my labor, The new Rusty Nut Telegraph, virtually unrecognizable from what you saw just yesterday. Enjoy and feel free to let me know what you think and if there are any snags with your browser as far as viewability and easeness of leaving comments.


Reason for not Posting Today

angst + idiocy + turmoil + hecticness + incompetence + about:blank virus = no posting

Oh, 14 of you have properly submitted your entries for 'The Game' thus far. Keep it coming!

I STILL Wanna Play a Game

Seeing that my boss had a heart attack yesterday and things are kinda hectic here, I'll repost this this to make up for not posting today (see that Kirl! I'm finally reposting some quality old shit!)
Turn out thus far has been good. Some of you are putting down great clues (some obvious others very sexy and subtle). If anyone wants to play and hasn't got me the pics yet, just let me know when to expect them and I'll hold off)...
I wanna play a game and I need all your help to make it fun. The idea is that anyone (and I hope that's a lot of you) who wants to play will email me a pic of their computer/workstation/office/desk area from where they post. Also email me your avatar. In your email PLEASE include your web name, url and username so that I don't get anyone confused (you all remember why I get confused form time to time right?)
After I get everyones in (a few days) I'll create an archive page with all the pics of the work areas and all the avatars. Whoever can match up the most pairs correctly wins something. I recomend that in your pic of your computer/ work station that you might leave some subtle discreet clue that only someone who has read your recent work might recognize as yours (for instance, Kalani could leave a pair of batteries beside her computer). That will make the game not so impossible and your creativity could make it very interesting!
If you want to play (and there is no charge to play) please email me your computer and avatar pics at BRICOTROUT@HOTMAIL.COM in the next several days. As soon as I get everyones in and Ive posted them in a new archive I'll let you know that the game has begun. This should be fun! If you want to play, but need a few days just let me know. I'll be happy to accomodate.


Ten Things not to Say to A Pregnant Woman

This is for you monkey. Congratulations!
And to any other readers who are awaiting the stork's arrival (whether they know it or not).
This is one that the guys should pay special attention to, seriously! Learn from my mistakes, please!

1- Oh, I thought you were just getting fat. Okay, I never really said this one but I wanted to start with the basics
2- So, does this mean you're going to be all pissy now?
3- You're kinda like a big ole swimming pool for infants huh?
4- Nah, you don't look THAT bad.
5- So, NONE of your clothes fit anymore?
6- How come Demi Moore still looked hot when SHE was pregnant?
7- I still love you anyway honey
8- Just 'cause you can't go out and drink why should I be made to suffer too?
9- You get sane again after this is all over right?
10- Yeah, but you still got a mouth!!



Sentence Saturday #3

Sentence Saturday is back, thanks to Duff and Kirl! They noticed it was gone last Saturday, mentioned their concerns, so I'm bringing it back. thanks for caring you guys *sniff*
You all remember how it works right? NO REAL WORDS, only fictional lexicon please.
I also want to bring to your attention 'The Game', which you can either click on the link there or scroll down 1.5 inches and see what I'm talking about. Please participate. It won't be the same without you!
Okay, enough self promotion... Here We Go...



Ten qualities I'm Looking for in that Special Someone

1- Can breath through her nose for 20 minutes at a time with no problem
2- The ability to flirt her way out of a traffic ticket
3- An incurable addiction to giving sensual massages
4- Prefers music to TV
5- Perceives public places as opportunities rather than obstacles
6- Has a spider like grip to shower surfaces
7- Understands the finer aspects to midnight hottubbing
8- Favorite passtime is skinny dipping off of a kayak in the middle of a lake under the stars
9- Looks good in skinny dipping garb
10- Tenderly and lovingly nurses stoopid kayak trick injuries (hell yes it still hurts! to those of you who remember)



Reason for not Posting Today

Taking new purchase out for a ride. Be back later... maybe.


Reason for not Posting Today

Tensions escalating between Chat Roomers and Bloggers. Preparing for potential unrest.
"Bring it on you chit chatting whores! We'll wipe the cyber floor with your pictureless posting asses!!"


Punk'd's Punk gets Punk'd

FORT MILL,SC (Rusty Nut Press Intl)
Ashton Kutcher, loathed host and founder of the MTV smash hit Punk'd, where upon Hollywood's 'B' list fall victim to elaborate and inhumane hoaxes in hopes of catching them having full mental breakdowns in front of the camera, fell victim to his own brand of 'humor' this weekend when he and long time supposed girlfriend, seasoned Hollywood hardbody Demi Moore, had a private, small ceremony at a local church to ligitimize their now famous cradle robbing relationship in the eyes of God once and for all.
In attendance for the union were Ashton's immediate family and a few friends including all of his That '70's shows co-actors, Demi's 3 children from her marriage with the one time Moonlighting series star Bruce Willis as well as Mr. Willis himself.
The ceremony was quiet, calm and all going according to plan. Mr. Kutcher looked deep into his 36-24-36 bride to be's eyes when it came time to affirm his affection and, holding back tears, mouthed an almost silent but deeply heartfelt "I do". The attending minister then turned toward the former brat pack starlet of such films as The New Homeowner's Guide to Happiness and Parasite and asked if she in turn took the star of the soon to be released on DVD only Dude Where's My Car Now to ber lawfully wedded husband.
"Oh Hell No!!!" came her energetic and over the top response.
With that, several movie cameras emerged from behind the church organ and strategically displayed bouquettes. All in attendance who had up till this point been sitting quietly in their pews jumped up and started high fiving eachother and began a barrage of 'whoops' and 'hell yeah!'s
"You just been punk'd bitch!" shouted an exuberant and vibrant Moore "Sit your ass down!!"
Ashton looked around like a deer caught in headlights to see his mother and father dancing joyously in the aisle.
Within seconds, Demi's oldest daughter, who stands a full 2 inches taller than Ashton, was all up in his sunken grill "You aint my daddy! You aint nobody punk!" While her younger two children danced in circles arm in arm chanting "Daddy's gonna kick your aaaaaass! Daddy's gonna kick your aaaaaass!"
Meanwhile a usually tough and poised Willis was seen wetting himself while rolling on his back behind the alter in tearful uncontrollable laughter.
A while later outside the church after things had settled down, while Ashton sat on the steps, head in hands, with teal blue cumberbun soaked in tears, Demi and Bruce explained the situation.
"Bruce and I have never been broken up. This was all an elaborate set up from the beginning" beamed Demi, best known for her pole warming abilities evident in Strip Tease "We saw this little twit making his way up the Hollywood ladder years ago and just knew he was going to have to be taken down a notch. So we staged our breakup, went our separate ways, traumatized the kids (they weren't in on it until just a few days ago), then I picked the right time to swing these store bought milks in his direction. He was putty in my hands after that."
A urine soaked Bruce chimed in "I remember her calling me from her cell phone while locked in the bathroom, she was traumatized by the lack of manhood he was packing when they were ready to the deed the first time"
"That's right. I remember that now! I told him I didn't think I was going to be able to go through with this for 2 years. That was the timeline we had set up when we first started planning this back in 1996. Up to this point we were right on schedule, but now I wanted to back out."
"It's funny, cause up to that point I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go through with it. But when she told me the part about his johnson rod being more of a johnson led pencil, it was at that point that I knew we had made the right decision. So I talked her back into it."
"Oh my God! Oh my God Bruce! remember when I called you after he told me the first time he loved me? I was SOOOO about to lose my shit right then and there! Seriously, I almost blew it at that moment."
At this point a whole new series of whaling starts up from the direction of the star of My Boss' Daughter much in the way the actor cried on screen when Laura Prepon's character,Donna kicked his character, Kelso, square in the nuts on the long running Fox series That 70's Show. Or when Danny Masterson's character, Hyde, shot Kelso in the ass with a BB gun.
"But we can't take all the credit for this." offered a now more serious Willis (no relation to the Todd Bridges' character from Different Strokes) "We wouldn't have been able to pull this off without the complete cooperation and commitment from his family and all his coworkers. Seriously, so many people were in on this that it is a miracle that word didn't get leaked out."
Ms. Moore matched his tone "Oh, and MTV. They helped us stage some documents that he signed which gives us all entitlement to the show's title Punk'd. Of course, this little ass wiping session here will be the season's opener next month."
"But now you'll have to excuse us" Bruce said as he was offered yet another high five from Ashton's father, "I have to give this little woman some lovin' the likes of which she hasn't experienced in two years."
"Two VERY long years!" added the blushing bride not to be.
Meanwhile Ashton continued to sob on the church steps, watching his love walk away with her ex husband as That 70's Show costar Wilder Valderrama (Fez) continued to raz him "Thee? You not tho tuff! Are you little thithy girlman?"