ASPEN QUOTE #41

We're in uncharted territory here. In the past I could always post Aspen's quotes with no consequences. They were almost always at my expense and the subjects werent embarrasing to her. I have to keep up this great segment but now the subjects are slightly more... sensitive. I have to find a balance between vagueness and detail so things make sense... Aspen is now on her 2nd prescription of BC to try to establish some regularity in her cycle. Things worked like a charm for the first round but now all of a sudden, a visitor appeared way off schedule. No days were missed. I did some checking and learned about 'breakout cycles'. I explained this to Aspen and told her that the Dr. may simply need to prescribe a higher dose. He may have misfigured her weight... "Are you saying I'm pudgy?!" she demands with arms crossed and a tear in her eye. "Oh yeah, he DEFINATELY underestimated the required dose! Can they combine that with a sedative?"

ASPEN QUOTE #40

Tonight at dinner: "Daddy, what do you think is more important in a wedding ring, the band or the shape of the stone?" Daddy: "Um, I dunno... the band I guess." Aspen: "No wait, the size of the stone is the most important!" "Is there something you're wanting to tell me?!"

ASPEN QUOTE #39

Thursday was the first meeting of Aspen's new Girl Scout troop for the season. They were discussing all the activities they could do to earn various badges. When they were talking about a 'scout campover' (which is always a season favorite for the girls) Aspen heard the troop mom mention Boy Scouts being there... Aspen: "Wait, there are going to be Boy Scouts there too?" Troop Mom: "Yes, that's why they're calling it a 'scout campover' this year." Aspen (dissapointedly): "Um, could we pay extra so it was just Girl Scouts there?" You can stay up eating ice cream and watching cartoons tonight for that comment!

ASPEN QUOTE #38

This morning, while driving Aspen to school, we stopped the car to watch a hawk near the road going after a mouse. After continuing on we observed a gaggle of Canadian Geese only some 20 yards or so down the path. An easy snack for the hawk. I ponder out loud why our befriended bird of prey didn't try to catch one of the geese instead of a mere mouse. Aspen responded in perfect timing... "Maybe he didn't want to go on a wild goose chase." Yea!! Finally an Aspen quote that's not at my expense!

ASPEN QUOTE #37

"Dad, how do you spell 'maniac'?" "m.a.n..." "That figures!" I think I spelled your name with one too few 's's on your birth certificate!

ASPEN QUOTE #36

In history class the assignment was to list 5 reasons for and against the question of whether or not women should be allowed to be soldiers. In her reasons 'for', Aspen's 3rd response was "You can't always depend on men." Wait a minute! I don't see women starting any wars on their own!

ASPEN QUOTE #35

Again, Aspen had been watching the news intently and picked up more than I would have at her age. Being discussed was the Stacey Peterson case. Aspen is aware that Stacey is missing and her husband's previous wife was apparently killed and left in a bathtub. Aspen: "I would never marry a guy who had killed someone before." Me: "That's a pretty good idea all right!" Her: "Well... he would have to be really cute!" hmmm, and own a mountain lake house or a yacht on the Caribbean. People deserve second chances after all.

ASPEN QUOTE #34

Not content with taking riding lessons, karate lessons and Girl Scouts Aspen came to me the other day really wanting to start wrestling lessons. She's been wrestling her big brother since she was two and is bent on beating him some day. "Dad, what do I do if someone hits me when we're wrestling?" "Well, that is against the rules so it would probably be an accident. He or she would get penalized points for hitting someone so I don't think you would need to do anything." "What if they hit me twice?" "Well, then you can put your finger in their face and tell them sternly 'Don't let there be a 3rd time!' ." She gets a bit more excited "Cooool, what if they do it a 3rd time?" "Then you can hit them back." I says. "Awesome!" Then she pauses "Wait, only once?" Hmmm, that depends on how good your first hit was.

ASPEN QUOTE #33

I am Buddhist. Aspen's mom is now Christian after being Wiccan for as long as I've ever known her. We both share our beliefs with Aspen but I periodically remind her that they are just that, 'beliefs', and that Aspen or anyone else should never be 'told' or scared into forming their beliefs against their own better judgement. Last night she says this... "Daddy, I don't know if God exists or not. But if he does, I'm sure glad he made you my daddy." Excuse me, seems I have something in my eye. Sniff.

ASPEN QUOTE #32

On Wednesday I picked Aspen up from school early due to a fever (101.1). She was in good spirits and asked me to carry her. "Oh sure" I says (sarcastically). "Yea!" she does her best to sound excited. "You're not familiar with sarcasm are you?" I inquire A moment later I change the subject... "Your teacher and I have a meeting next Wednesday." "Oh goodie" she says. "You think your report will be that good huh?" I say pleased that she is enthusiastic about us talking about her school behavior. "You're not familiar with sarcasm are you?" she says dryly. Hmmm, I think the doctor has a shot for that condition.

ASPEN QUOTE #31

Driving by a park today there was a red head girl, maybe 12 or so. "Look Aspen, that girl looks just like you." Aspen glances in the indicated direction then looks straight ahead again... "I would never wear that shirt with those shorts." ...hmmm, hope she doesn't figure out i used a blue hairband next to a brown one when doing her hair this morning.

ASPEN QUOTE #30

"Aspen, did you brush your teeth yet?" "Um... yeah" "Are you sure?" "Uh huh" "You wouldn't lie to me would you?" "...Not about brushing my teeth." at least she's honest

ASPEN QUOTE #29

Tonight Aspen was "starving" and couldn't wait for dinner. I found a suitable snack for her in the meantime. "Here Aspen, you can have a few cookies until dinner is ready." "Oh boy... Oh... wait, these are Fig Newtons." "Yeah... so?" "I hate Fig Newtons." "Okay, you don't have to eat them then." I say indifferently as I take them back and start leaving the room. "Alright, I'll take them." She says begrudgingly. As I walk out the door she calls after me: "But I'm not going to enjoy them!"

ASPEN QUOTE #28

Daddy: "How did you're spelling test go today?" Aspen: "Fine, the test was easy." Daddy: "Yeah? Well alright!" Aspen: "Yeah, the test was easy. It was the words that were hard." S.M.A.R.T.A.S.S.

ASPEN QUOTE #27

Tonight Aspen had a friend stay over. At one point I brought in popcorn and hot chocolate as they played a board game in her room. I came in shortly later to check on them. Aspen very pleasantly says to me: "Daddy? Can you not check on us unless we call you please? Not to be mean or anything but were talking about boys." Me: "Okay. Say did you know that when a boy gets his first girlfriend his father takes him out to a field where they shoot a pony and burn a puppy to celebrate?"

ASPEN QUOTE #25

Aspen told me yesterday that a boy has been harassing her at recess for the last few months. Yesterday apparently, with his friends egging him on, he punched her on the right side of the face. I wrote a note to her teacher advising her of the ongoing and unprovoked confrontations. I asked to be advised what actions were going to be taken to correct the boy's behavior. I then told Aspen that she has every right to defend herself and that if he or any other boy hits or pushes or kicks her she needs to hit back... hard. She smiled, pleased to know she had daddy's support and permission in taking care of this boy herself. This morning, after having slept on it, I went into greater detail what she needed to do if the situation came up again. I told her that if he comes up to her on the playground she needs to stand up in his face (she is 9" taller than him) and stare down at him coldly. To look at him like he just hurt 'Lambie' and 'Kittie'. To clench her fist tight and grit her teeth and to wait for him to touch her. Then if he does push or hit her to use every muscle in her arm and to hit him in the nose as hard as she possibly can, then hit him a second time even harder until he is crying or lying on the ground. Then to stand over him silently glaring at him until he leaves. Aspen listened intently nodding in understanding. Then she asks... "Is that what Buddha would do?" A proud yet ashamed daddy took the only escape route he had "Buddha never had to put up with a bully on the playground."

ASPEN QUOTE #24

Aspen's mom came into town for the holidays... with Chris, the new boyfriend with whom she is shacking up in Arizona, the last in a string of affairs that resulted in the end of her 4th marriage, the current mealticket in her life. They picked up Aspen to spend the day with her. This morning as I took Aspen to school... Aspen (excitedly): "Chris taught me how to make a bomb" Me (confused): "Chris taught you how to make a what?" I wasn't sure whether I heard the word 'bomb' or 'bong' and I wasn't sure which word I was hoping to hear upon clarification. Aspen: "A bomb" Me: "Chris taught you how to make a bomb?" Aspen: "Uh huh, a waterproof bomb." Me: "And how do you do make a waterproof bomb?" Aspen: "You take a ball and put a hole in it then you fill it with gunpowder then stick a string in it then put wax over the hole then cover the whole thing in clay and let it get hard. Then it can blow up in the water!" Me: silence Thanks for the courtroom 'ammunition' Chris

ASPEN QUOTE # 23

While watching some evening news this evening... Aspen "Daddy? If someone's at war, why don't they pretend to surrender then sneak up on them from behind?" Daddy "Because you can't do that in war. If you say you surrender, you have to surrender." Aspen (looking confused) "Why?" Daddy "Because thats the rules in war" Aspen (looking even more confused) "War is a game?"

ASPEN QUOTE # 22

This is the first Aspen Quote I haven't heard first hand. This was repeated to me by her 1st grade teacher last week. "Hi, my name is Aspen. I am named after a tree, a leaf, a mountain and a beer." Hmmm... Aspen Grace, always a good decision!

Aspen Quote #20

"Daddy, how long 'till dinner is ready? I'm starving, even if it is your chili that we're having." hmmm, maybe she would prefer my castor oil surprise