HU HECKLER FACES HARASSMENT, 47 HEALTH CODE VIOLATIONS

washington.national nut syndicate 2006® Last week in Washington DC, Chinese President HU visited the country's capital for a brief summit with President Bush. During a ceremony on the front White House lawn the two leaders posed for reporters and photographers. It was at this point that a women with temporary press pass credentials among the reporters began shouting at the communist leader. Initial reports indicated the nature of her protests to be related to the unfair treatment of a religious organization in China. However later translations revealed a different message of anger by the Chinese national woman... "You always want too much rice! From now on I charge you two dollar extra for seconds! You no fair to me! I make no money with you!" Screamed the expatriate in Mandarin Chinese, President Hu's native tongue. After having a banner with her Chinese restaurant's logo on it ripped from her hand by a proprietor of a competing food chain (see photo), she continued undetered "You no good tipper! I work hard all day to make clean table! You very messy eater! Messy eaters must tip more! Rice everywhere when you leave! Why you no better manners?!" Clearly embarrassed by the remarks, President Hu stood quietly as the protestor was apprehended by security and hurried away. President Bush did his best to reassure his guest and stabilize the situation. With a wry smile he leaned to Hu's side and whispered "Heh heh, I like rice too. Condi's folks named her after that you know. Darn stuff gets everywhere don't it? You guys need to make that stuff so it aint so sticky. This one time I had a piece stuck to the front of my teeth for three days. You all have floss out there? I never can figure out that stuff. Always hurts my fingers. Mouthwash, that's the way to go! Don't try to swallow that stuff though. Burns worse than tequila. You all got tequila out there? Who Wee! Its the saki of the west. Heh heh 'saki' were'd you all come up with that name? You guys crack me up with your funny words." Moments later the press gathering was called off. President Hu flew back to his country hours later. The heckler now faces harassmentt charges and her eatery a thorough health inspection.

I WANT THAT JOB!

Have you ever seen somebody else in their line of business doing thier job in a helluva lot lesser capacity than you could be doing it? And have you ever seen this take place in a line of work that would be considered an enormous step up from your current job? Did anybody have the misfortune of seeing the monstrocity of a disaster of an excuse for entertainment in the form of a televised program called Celebrity Cooking Showdown? WHO THOUGHT THIS SHIT UP??? Like a... uh... um... something-really-bad-that-you-don't want-to-look-at-but-can't-turn-away-from... that's what this 'show' was like. 1- I did not recognize a single celebrity out of the whole lot of them. At least get me someone I know in some remote fashion from somewhere! You're not even fitting the definition of your show's title! More like 'Anonymous Has Been Cooking Showdown'. 2- No matter how much 'celebrities' try to be entertaining while cooking. They arent! No amount of throwing food, insulting the audience and jumping on top of counters makes me say "This cooking show is really entertaining!" I mean, how many times can someone listen to "My strudle turnover surprise is going to be sooo much better than your mincemeat cobbler casserol its ridiculous!" before they decide to drink themselves into oblivion for the night?! 3- To whom it may concern: Never ever ever... ever! have a commentator commentate on cooking! "Now *anonymous has been 'A'* is slicing up the rhubarb... boy, shes not being shy with the rhubarb. Now rhubarb is going to give any dish that needs a little additional tang and sweetness the added tang and sweetness that it needs to be... more... tangy and... uh... sweet." That shit works in Best in Show and nowhere else! 4- STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! So, somewhere in Sunny Hollywood, some guy sits in a sweet ass office making kick ass cash and drives a really sweet Jag or something. And for what? for giving a show like this the green light! I CAN DO THAT!! I want that job! And I can garuantee that I'll do a helluva lot better at it than he is, and whats more... I'll do it for half the pay! At the bare minumum I would have put the 'celebrities' spouses in giant pots that got ever closer to boiling with every minute that passed before the apple fritter wing dings were done right. You want a good idea for a show? Here!: take a famous episode from any old sitcom (like Cheers for example) and have all the dialogue voiced over in English by guys with Pakistani accents. Frickin hysterical right?! I mean who wouldn't love to hear a room full of people yell 'Norm!' and hear someone who sounds like Apu say "It's a dog eat dog world out there Sammy, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."? I picked the wrong year to stop drinking... seriously! note1: And congratulations Dan! for finally securing that tenth vote to win the Surprising Fact Contest. Your personalized prize as well as that CD I was supposed to send you a long time ago will be out sometime next week. Personally, I think Rabbit let you win (by voting for you) 'cause she was afraid of me having her address. Im hurt Babbs, I really really am. And what am I supposed to do now with this high power telescope and all the bugging devices I bought? This shit aint cheap! note2: The reason I have two jars of peanut butter open at the same time: A common snack for me is celery in peanut butter. One jar of peanut butter is less than half full; I use this jar for the longer celery sticks, so they can reach to the bottom of the jar. The second jar is newer and closer to full; I use this jar for when the celery stalk has been half eaten and is shorter. This way I am able to use an entire jar of peanut butter without getting goops of it on my hand or fingers. Otherwise I have a jar of peanut half empty that I won't use because I risk getting my hand gooped up. See? Isn't I smart?

ANY GUESSES?

While we still wait for either Rabbit or Dan to win the Surprising Fact Contest (a few posts below). I thought I would share with you another fact about me. And while it's not 'surprising' per say I imagine it is odd. I almost always have two jars of peanut butter in my kitchen opened at the same time. As soon as one of them runs out I open yet another so there remains two open. They are the same brand and style in every way. And it has nothing to do with Aspen or anyone else in the household. So, would anyone have a guess as to why this would be? What is an 'odd' habit or fact about you? Please share.

SUMMER CONCERT SCHEDULE

Just in the last week four (4) concerts* were added to the summer schedule for The Queen City. My jaw dropped when I saw them. This is going to be a busy (and expensive) summer. 6-4-06 (sunday) Jimmy Buffett {likelihood of attendance: 101%} 6-9-06 (friday) Tom Petty; Trey Anastasio * {likelihood of attendance: 50%} 6-20-06 (tuesday) Dave Matthews {likelihood of attendance: 75%} 6-30-06 (friday) Dickey Betts {likelihood of attendance: 90%} 7-11-06 (tuesday) Black Crowes; Robert Randolph * {likelihood of attendance: 100%} 7-28-06 (friday) John Fogerty; Willie Nelson* {likelihood of attendance: 70%} 8-20-06 (sunday) Allman Brothers; Derek Trucks Band* {likelihood of attendance: 100%} 8-27-06 (sunday) Ben Harper (in chicago) {likelihood of attendance: 101%} And now I learn that CSNY is all set to announce their summer tour schedule. WTF?? The music gods are trying to kill me now!

'PEOPLE', YOU GOTTA LOVE 'EM!

Ah, Sundays in spring in a townhouse community. Birds chirping, people socializing, little kids riding their bikes around and unsupervised teenagers running amok. Which one of these things you think gets under my skin? If you said the unsupervised teeneagers you were right! Ever the diligent observer and reporter of innapropriate behavior I took it upon myself the other day to approach 3 aproximately twelve year old miscreants out by the townhouse garage and maintenance area who were throwing garbage from the dumpsters around and had with them the slide from the community playground. Two quick questions and a statement was all that came out of my lips "Are you boys residents of this complex?" "What are your addresses?" and "It would be a wise idea to put that slide back." I turned and walked away not engaging them any further. About thirty minutes later there is a knock on my door. I answer it to see one of the boys with his mother. She introduces herself. We shake hands politely. "My son came home in tears a little bit ago saying you had spoken to him?" "Okay, I did approach him and..." "It is none of your business what my son is doing around here. If he happens to be hanging with two other little punks. Are you a police officer? Are you manager of these apartments?" "Um, do you want to hear what happened or are you just going to keep on talking?" "I know what happened and if you ever approach my son again I will call the police and file charges for harassment. Are we clear?" "Oh give me a break!" and I quietly close the door in her face. Now before I go any further let me readily admit that if Aspen came in from playing crying saying that some man had approached her and questioned her I absolutely would want to know what was said and all other circumstances. Damn right I would! However, this woman didn't knock on my door to seek a single bit of information I might have on what transpired. Her only goal was to chew me out for her son being a juvenile and a cry baby. I guess from her perspective if I see a car being vandalized in our parking lots I am supposed to do nothing about it. Well sweetheart, next week when I see the other two boys kicking the shit out of your cry baby son because he was desperately trying to tell me that stealing the slide was their idea and how he tried to stop them, I'll be sure to mind my own business and not interfere because I'm not a police officer or property manager. Digital Clock Update: Sunday, midday, I set the stove clock ahead exactly seven (7) minutes ahead of the proper time. Monday morning it was three (3) minutes ahead. More updates to come. side note1: the first person to comment on this post with the name 'summer' wins a free hospital gown. ;P side note2: dont forget to vote below

'Surprising Fact Contest' Faces Run Offs!

Because Dan didn't have enough sense to vote for himself in the contest winner vote (way to participate in the democratic process Babbs!) we now face a run off. Both Dan and Rabbit got 5 votes each for their respective surprise. This time we'll make it a little fun... The first person to garner ten votes tallied in the comments of this post will be the winner. If it takes one day or one year, makes no difference to me. Remember: Dan's surprising fact about himself is that he has never had a PB&J sammich (even though he has no allergies to peanuts *coughexposedcough*) Rabbit's surprising fact about her cute self is that she has never had cereal in milk (even though she has had both seperately and has no dairy allergies) So let the voting commence just one more time. I know what the prize is going to be for whoever wins. heh heh And with that I might add that I am a bit dissapointed with you all that you didn't vote Summer the winner for not ever having been admitted to a hospital. Her prize was going to be a hospital gown and she was going to be obligated to take a pic of her in it and email it to me. THANKS FOR NOTHING GUYS!

More Trouble with Digital Clocks!

I apparently am the butt of some multidimensional prank being led by the Grande Patron Saint of digital clocks. As you know, I am now on some serious medications trying to regain a sense of balanced reality after Anonymous' Blogger's having to use a flashlight at night to see what time her alarm clock shows. But now I have a second situation... Let me preface this by saying that 'yes, in the past a few stories here at The Nut have been imbellished just a tad for the sake entertainment'. However, THIS story is 100% on the level! I have a stove. It's not a fancy stove, but it does have a digital clock on the front. After living at this place for over a year, it occured to me that there had been a number of times that I had had to reset the clock. It seemed to run just a tad slow. I could tell because The microwave clock is situated right beside the stove clock. the microwave clock keeps good time. During one of these routine time setting adjustments I realized that yet again, I was only adding seven (7) minutes to bring it back on time. KEEP IN MIND: THE FOLLOWING IS 100% TRUE! So now I decide to pay special attention to it (I put on my Sherlock hat so to speak). Sure enough, three days later it was seven (7) minutes slow again. But I left it alone for continued observations. Here's the kicker (and the part where you think I'm pulling your leg... I AINT!) it never gets more than seven (7) minutes late, no matter how many days I leave it alone! I have waited 3 months, and it was still only seven (7) minutes late! In the next step, I went and set it back to the correct time then set it an additional seven (7) minutes ahead. Then I sat back and waited, wondering if confusing the grande patron saint of digital clock pranks was that easy. It wasnt. As sure as water is wet, it took only a few days for the stove clock to once again be seven (7) minutes late. For the last year I have let sleeping dogs lie and know to look at on-time microwave clock rather than posessed stove clock. But now I'm starting to wonder... What would happen if I set the microwave clock ahead seven (7) minutes? Would the stove clock advance ahead seven (7) minutes to then be on time? Or, what if I go to the trouble of unplugging the stove then plug it back in (effectively kicking the clock in) exactly at 12 noon? Will it be fooled and stay on time then? What if I mess with the clock for a bit to confuse it then set it seven (7) minutes late? Not realizing it was already set seven (7) minutes behind, would it go back an additional seven (7) minutes? I asked the guys at work what their theories were. They said I should stop smoking the good stuff. But I did! ...didn't I???

A Brief Conversation with an Anonymous Blogger

Today I had a quick convo with a fellow blogger who shall remain nameless. It went something like this... Me: "Hey Sissy B, it's Brico." S: "Hey ya" Me: "I just wanted to check to see if you had received your birthday gift." (A few weeks ago she mentioned in a post how she had to turn on her flashlight at night to see what time her alarm clock showed. That boggled my mind beyond repair. I won't go into how I dwelled on that one. The therapist says it's time for me to let go and move on. She wouldn't even be happy to know I had brought it up again here. Anyway, I had an extra little alarm clock (the digital kind with red glowing easy-to-read numbers... the kind that EVERYONE has!) sitting around so I packed it up for nameless blogger's birthday gift) S: "I did and I meant to thank you for that." Me: "So no more flashlight anymore right?" S: "Well, um... hopefully soon." Me: "You haven't used it yet?" S: "Well, I tried but... um... you see... my headboard has this.... I keep bumping.... I need to construct... it has to be... it's hard to explain. Im working on it." Me: "???" Nameless Blogger: Its a clock that measures 3" x 2" x 6"! You plug it in, set the time and place it on any horizontal surface in your room! I'm not sure what headboards, and bumping and constructing things has to do with anything! You have to be the only person in the world who has to devise blueprints before employing the use of a digital alarm clock! Now, I am on strict doctor's orders to not start thinking about why you have to have a a flashlight to see the time at night. I mean, even if there was a blackhole floating in your room (the only scenario I can think of) and it was sucking up the light being emitted from your current clock, the flashlight isn't going to help retreive that light back out of the void! Is it??!! "Breathe, Brico, breathe. Stay away from the scary place." Okay, I have to go get some sleep. Where's my meds? I think I need two this time.

Some Overdue Pics and Gasping for Air

As if Kayaking and seriously intense games of ping pong weren't enough to do in a week with a friend, Miguel convinced me to get back into biking (a 'sport' that he participates in between cartons of cigarettes about thrice a week) and join him on some of the more, um... 'suicidal?' trails in town. So, feeling that I wasn't getting my moneys worth from my monthly health insurance payments, I conceded and bought a new toy this week. I also bought a camelback having a suspicion it might come in useful... like... oxygen? So today was my day off and we were to meet at a local death run of his choice at 4pm. Knowing I hadn't ridden in a couple of years (28 I think) I spent the morning and afternoon preparing for what was sure to be a strenuous ride... by napping. Good thing too, 'cause I needed as much energy as possible to get through what will surely be the site of the next Survivor series (Survivor: Francis Jennings Park Botanical Trail #2, coming this fall!) Well, to make a long story short, I finished the 37 mile loop (Miguel will say its closer to 1.5 miles but I think his bike odometer needs new batteries!) with only minimal pauses to catch my breath (18 to be exact at 27 minutes each). My pace did slow down just a tad toward the last couple of miles. In fact I had to pull over at one point to let some other extremists in search of thrills pass me by (a 70 year old couple out enjoying the spring blooms). But the important thing is I made it! A sense of achievement that will surely allow me some solid sleep tonight. Anybody wanna buy a new bike? Oh, and Kalani reminded me that I had promised to post another pic of the tatt (thanks again Em!) after it had healed, so here you go. ...those are freckles right? Age spots are bigger right? p.s. Yesterday when I inquired about your favorite blogs... I guess I didn't make myself clear. I was looking for the sites names and addys. I was kinda hoping to check out some other cool blogs that I wasn't aware of. Geeze you guys!

Raise Your Hand If...

Raise your hand if you have a favorite blog/blogger. What kind of blog is it? (humorous, social consciousness, photography, current events, etc) And why do you like it? (you relate to the author's personality, you find it informative or insprational, they're hot, etc)

"And the nominees are..."

We here at The Nut had a contest a few days ago. Who had the most surprising fact about them. We were looking for things that you had not done that most everybody else in western civilization has done. I've narrowed down the list to 8 finalists. Everybody has 1 vote. Votes will be tallied Friday night. Anonymous votes will not be counted. In the event of a tie there will be a runoff. Here we go... Dan... has never eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich! (that should be grounds for expatriotism right there!) Dale... has never sent a birthday card to anybody! (there's always next year, right?) Os... has never watched an episode of friends! (with his private collection, i wouldn't have the time to either) Duff... has never had a single sip of coffee! (a DJ not pepped up on caffine???) Summer... has never been admitted into a hospital (i'm sure shes played 'doctor' many a time though, right?) Blondie... has never paid to get a haircut (can anyone say 'Flowbee'?) Tish... can't swim! (and she even has built in floaties for petes sake) Rabbit... has never had cereal & milk (whats up with that doc?) As I stated, the prize will be determined by me based on who the winner is and what the surprise fact was. The ballot box is now open!

Squag: (verb) origin:unknown

First: I have to formally define 'Squag' if I ever hope to see it in print. So here goes... Squag: (verb); to willfully direct via a blog post a high number of commenters toward a randomly chosen blog to comment without leaving clear direction of their source for the purpose of surprising and confusing the blog's author; example: Chandrachoodan was squagged on April 18th when Bricotrout of The Rusty Nut asked his readers to visit his site and comment. Second: Chandrachoodan, from Selective Amnesia, did indeed find his way here and let us know at 5:48 am Tuesday after the first 2 readers left comments at his site. So... Welcome C! I made it too easy for you by linking you at first. I took the link down and made people cut and paste your address after I was advised by some readers that are more net savvy than me. But the damage had been done. I saw on your world map that there were some four visitors to your site that you were able to trace straight to hear. I guess I'm still working the kinks out of this ambush style game. At any rate, when we do this again I hope you'll join in the fun. As far as your music tastes go, I am pleased to say that I have a good selection of world music (please forgive the term, 'world music' is what americans refer to as music having come from other parts of the world. i know to you referring to music from your neck of the woods as 'world music' might seem a little odd). I will begin work on a CD compilation for you if you care to send me your address (I didn't take into consideration the cost of international shipping. I may have to screen the next squag subject more carefully). And you didn't even give us a chance! At 5:48 eastern time, when you left your comment, most of us were still asleep. You sure didn't need alot of enticing. I think if you had laid low for a few more hours we would have gotten up there in the comments. Anyway, the first squagging will go down as successful! Third: Thanks to all of you guys for helping out. You all played a significant roll as well in pulling this off. Thanks to Dale and Kalani for the technical advise. Next time we decide to do this I promise the subject will have a harder time getting back here. At the very least, we succeeded in increasing 'C's daily stat count by ten fold. And isn't that in itself just a whole hoopla of positive karma for us all?

Boycott Exxon! (new posts are below)

I for one don't mind paying high gas prices... if that's what the market costs require. However, I for one will refuse to buy my fuel from a company that 1- made the largest ever annual profit than any other company ever when there are plenty of it's competitors selling the exact same product. 2- just gave its retiring CEO a $400 million retirement package that equates to $140,000 a day for every day that he worked for that company. 3- for the last 16 years has refused to pay what U.S. courts found to be its fair share of the environmental cleanup cost of Valdez, Alaska Obviously that company is Exxon/Mobile, and they will never... NEVER... get another penny of my money if it can at all be helped... NEVER!! I, in all seriousness, ask that each one of you seriously consider doing the same. Since this country is based on 'capitalism' it is we the consumers who have the real power. I will offer a CD compilation (genre your choice, artists mine) to each and every regular Nut reader who 1- makes a similar post stating that you will boycott Exxon/Mobile 2- asks others to make a similar pledge 3- leaves that post at the top of your site for 1 month (you can continue to post obviously) I know this is alot to ask but I am that disgusted by this company's greed that I ask myself 'What can I do?' and that's the answer I come up with. Fuck Exxon/Mobile! If they want to make billions of dollars in profit at our expense, put it in their own private bank accounts and complain that environmental cleanup costs for their carelessness are unjust and would bankrupt them, then they can go fuck themselves. They will not get my money anymore. I will leave this post at the top for one year (notice the pic and music have been removed). Because this is what I can do.

Lets Have Some Fun! (Squagged #1)

I'm inventing a blog term 'Squag' (a derivitive from tagging and squatting). It's similar to being tagged but much nicer. You all have the opportunity to partake in the first ever squag! read on... This is what I did: I went to the blog Selective Amnesia http://www.selectiveamnesia.org (cut and paste the address into your browser please). It was a long haul. I purposely went to a site that was ten times removed from my linked blogs. This is how I got there: Kalani > Foxi > Mental Nurse > Waffle Mania > Scary Duck > Jerry Chicken > My Blog Itches > The Pissed Kitty (which I had to laugh at because there - 8 times removed - was a link to webmiztris, damn shes popular! *coughslutcough*) > Aussie Guru > Selective Amnesia. I purposelfully picked out a site that was somewhat interesting and had relatively few comments (i think it averages 1-2 per post?) What I want everyone to do is Tuesday, go to his site and comment appropriately and respectfully on his most recent post. Include in your comment that you found your way there from 'The Nut' . The key is not to refer to me by whatever name you link me. So everyone just say The Nut. He'll hopefully get some 20 or more people that he doesn't know suddenly commenting saying that some place called The Nut mentioned him. He'll be intrigued for sure and make some kind of effort to find this place. I want to see if he'll be able to find it. if he does... CONGRATULATIONS SELECTIVE AMNESIA! You successfully found this little test, as you may have already read, you were chosen at random to be the subject of a fun harmless prank, and the victim of the very first 'squag'. If you would please let us know that you found your way here and what your feelings/thoughts were when all the regular Rusty Nut readers started leaving comments suddenly at your place. Furthemore, as a reward for your successful sleuthing and in the spirit of harmless pranks I herby offer you a CD compilation of your choice of music genre. You are truly making blog history by being the first ever blogger to be squagged. Unless of course you didn't find your way here then youl'll never know your significant roll in blogging history. and to everyone else, thanks for your help!

Pics from Colorado

at cave of the winds shes braver than daddy, i'll give her that. i wouldnt go anywhere near that railing! trying her tanya harding moves grama, aspen and daddy riding on the air force academy grounds this was the highlight of the trip for her obviously at the colorado springs zoo; the highest elevation zoo in the world daddy and daughter in grama's backyard

Happy Re-Birth Day Jesus!

I like a good spiritual quote. For me, a good quote is going to ring true regardless of its religious source. I reflect much on how the major religions are similar to eachother. So I enjoy reflecting on a concept that is generic enough in its message that the religious background of who said it is indeterminable, and mute. Yesterday on NPR I heard an interview with a minister who when asked about his feeling on the religious resurgency that seems to be arising in the west, he replied "Faith is meant to help us deal with uncertainty; not provide us with a sense of certainty" This rang true for me immediately and what was nice was he was using this quote to clarify why he was not pleased with the type of religious resurgency that he observed taking place. He felt, and I tend to agree, that religious beliefs are too often used to justify outwardly reactions in the world rather than to strenghen an inwardly sense of peace with the world in the now. And from my understanding, Jesus would agree. Happy Easter all!

Surprise! Yet Another Contest (with prizes!)

note: The managemnet teams of The Rusty Nut and Aspen's Art will be back in the offices tomorrow. Pictures of thier voyage and adventures should be posted by Sunday. So while in Colorado, after a round of disc golf, Sean (a friend of 23 years) and I stumbled onto a topic of 'surprising things about me'... I had a few: I've never done a chemical narcotic (acid, xtc, etc), okay, thats kind of surprising I guess. I've never seen Dumb and Dumber, that seems to astoud coworkers for some reason. hmmph, 'simpletons'! But here's the most surprsing thing about me that I can think of: you all know I'm a big music fan, leaning toward the old classics. But, believe it or not, I have never listenened to a Beatles album in its entirety. Not Sgt. Peppers, not The White Album, Not Yellow Submarine, not Let it Be, not even Abbey Road. This is surprising because most people have done this I think. At least people my age. Your turn. What basic thing have you never done, seen, heard, experienced, etc that most everyone else has? It has to be surprising. Be honest! The person (who is a regular commenter at The Nut) who reveals the most surprising revelation will win a prize (based on who you are and what the surprising revelation is).

You're on The Honor System Folks

The management teams of The Rusty Nut and Aspen's Art will be out of the office from Sunday April 9th to Friday April 14th. For your convenience we have post dated six posts ahead of time, one for each day. Each post is not to be read before it's given date. In lieu of our absence from our blog office, we at The Nut trust you will understand why there will be no comments from us on your sites during that time. We only have one request to our readers: Nobody get sick (belly!), die, get engaged (bug!) or divorced (JY & Crimson - you two have my permission -in fact I encourage you-to get divorced!), give birth (monkey!), get pregnant (tish!), quit blogging (femi!), have a sex change (kalani!) or undergo any other life altering changes until we get back and can read about it in a timely fashion. Thankyou for your cooperation. Have a good week all.

*SUNDAY* Be their Voice #4

Simply take a look at the picture above and come up with whatever you think this guy is thinking and leave it in the comments. If you have more than one idea then by all means come back and comment repeatedly. Let our creativity fly!

*TUESDAY* Road of Rage Diaries #2

Attention Squirrel poised menacingly at the curb. You are not a young squirrel. You live in a neighborhood where cars are constantly traveling upon the roads that wind their ways inbetween the trees that you call home. You have surely done this drill countless times before. Yet you remain alive. So you are obviously not a dumb squirrel. I see you wait by the edge of the road as my car approaches, we make eye contact you and me. Then you decide to dart out into my vehicle's path with no warning. Then you freeze, only to decide that you would rather be standing on the curb again so you scamper back. I'm just letting you know, and pass this on to your kin if you please, next time... yeah... I AINT SWIRVING!!! Keep on Truckin'

*WEDNESDAY* Raise Your Hand If...

Raise your hand if you have ever shoplifted. And please give details: what was lifted, how old you were, how many times, why, were you ever caught, how did it make you feel afterward, etc.

*THURSDAY* Ten Singers that can Bring Tears to My Eyes

We covered Guitarists that Freak My Bean, Albums that Opened My Ears, and Songwriters that Flip My Lid. As always, the word 'my' is in the title so by definition this list does not pretend to be objective or all inclusive. Nor does this list reflect my opinions about the bands that they front, etc. These are the singers that do it for me through their volume, passion, sincerity and simple spirit. Regardless of the words that they're singing they can still make me cry, get angry, or sing at the top of my lungs. (pray you'll never have to witness that!) Sadly, unlike the great guitarists that are still being produced today I find the list of great singers not so abundant in today's music scene. I'm sure there are dozens out there that I'm not familiar with but I just get the feeling that in general one's voice is not being utilized as the instrument that it has the potential for being as it was in decades past. 1- Janice Joplin (Piece of my Heart) 2- Roger Daltrey (Who are You?) 3- Robert Plant (The Immigrant Song) 4- June Carter 'Cash' (Jackson) 5- Jerry Garcia (Stella Blue, China Doll) 6- Brent Mydland (Dear Mr. Fantasy) *That's right, a second singer from the same band. The accumulation of raw talent and the members' dedication to putting their very souls into every bit of music they produced is what afforded The Grateful Dead the most loyal following in rock. If you're not a Dead Head I'm not going to try to convince you. If you are I have no need to. I've seen first hand Brent bring tears to the eyes of the roughest and callous of men with just his voice. R.I.P. Brent* 7- Kate Bush (every frickin song!) 8- Bob Marley *He may not have a classically trained voice by any means and to say he can carry a tune might be a stretch, but this man could sing absolutely anything (not just one of his masterfully penned homages to his people's struggle) without any instrumental backup and I would be helpless to not sing along... loudly.* 9- Seal ( The Beginning) 10- Melissa Ethridge (Come to my Window)

*FRIDAY* 'Just a Coincidence' Survey

This story here was probably the most jaw dropping thing that ever happened to me. I orriginally posted it some months ago but only 3 of youns read it. I bring it up now because I am reminded of the three or four times in my life when I ran into somebody by complete coincidence hundreds if not thousands of miles from where I last saw them. Probably most of you have run into an old roomate or friend or one night stand at some completely random place years since when you last had seen them. But wouldn't logic tell you that for every old friend you happen to run into at that out of the way restaraunt when you both just happened to be there at the same time that there were 20 that you just missed running into by an hour or so? That boggles my mind. That maybe I have not only just missed running into Anna Tarvyd or Lucie Spencer (old college flames that surely would have led to quickies at the nearest pay-by-the-hour hotel) but that maybe I have sat down at some bar in the last few years right next to YOU and of course we didn't even recognize eachother back then. Damn, Dawn where are you? I need a smoke man. I'm tripping balls! Anyway, before I leave this plane of existance altogether, I had a point to all this... What is the biggest coincidence you've ever had in your life?

"And to your left, folks, you'll see giant pillars of flaming sulfur"

Years ago I had a girlfriend who enjoyed going to all extremes to be cultural and non mainstream and artsy and all that crap. And in doing so she found the key to hell's backdoor, opened it and took me on a 2 hour guided tour of its lower levels. What did she do? She found some movie and insisted that I watch it with her. But not just any movie, it was a 'deep' movie. And not 'Bridges of Madison County' or 'The Horse Whisperer' deep. I could deal with that. No, this was some black and white foreign film with subtitles. It starred Christopher Walken as some Angel who never said a word or some shit like that. If you happen to know its name you can refresh my memory so I can be sure to steer clear of the Blockbuster aisle which contains it. I have no desire to see movies like this. GUYS have no desire to see movies like this... unless they feature a nude Scarlet Johansen, which this one sadly did not. What's more, my girlfriend at the time had already seen this film a few weeks before. What's that shit? But here's the kicker! Fifteen minutes into the guided tour of Hades, she falls asleep with her head on my lap! Which is fine... if you're naked!, so I can at least have some touchy feely fun while taking a ride down the river Styx. But she wasn't. What kind of shit is that? I have to suffer through this while she gets to catch some zzzzz's and I don't get any play? I don't think so! After I realized she had drifted off it took me .3 seconds to locate the remote... ...And four minutes later, the movie credits were scrolling along. "Is it over already?" a groggy girlfriend says as I tap her awake "Uh huh" I say trying my best to sound spiritually moved Because when you say "I really want us to sit down together and watch this black and white foreign film with subtitles." All I hear is "I really want this relationship to come to a screeching halt right now." Now even Buddhism teaches that there is such thing as a justifiable lie. I'm asking you dear readers, was I wrong in my actions and deceit?

Daddy Had a Shopping Spree

In preparation for our trip to Colorado I purchased some new clothes for Aspen. Thanks to her mom's genes Aspen is tall and thin for her age which means finding jeans that both fit her waste and go down to the floor is quite difficult. That's where Old Navy is a life saver. They're the only ones I can find that has 'slim' size for kids. Fortunately their styles include some pretty good stuff. This lot here run me 'bout one Benjamin. The purple tye dye shirt has a pic of a parrot and says 'polly want a pirate'. Where do you think she'll be wearing that? I'm sure after next week I'll be able to post lots of pics of her wearing her new threads high in the Colorado Rockies amongst the Aspen and Birch trees.

Not a Bass... Not a Blue Gill... Not a Carp... It's a...

I spent Thursday, my day off, driving to all the outdoor stores around town looking for a good seat for my ocean kayak. No such luck. Apparently there are only two in the region and they both suck! But the day wasn't a total wash. At the last place I went to I found this baby screaming my name! Look familiar? If you've ever left a comment here before then you've seen it. If you haven't, then leave a comment now and see. On another subject, I have noticed that more and more stores are starting to carry the style of hat that I am so fond of. This is a good and bad thing. I'm not all that thrilled to think that alot more of my hats (that's right! I said it! 'my') will be resting on the noggins of everyone I cross on the streets or in the public restrooms. I have always appreciated having a certain uniqueness. The good side would be that it should be quite a bit easier now for me to find a decent backup hat at a fair price now that they're everywhere. But this isn't turning out ot be the case! Every hat that I checked out today was either too flimsy, too stiff, too wide, too tall or just plain godawful. So where's the upside? There aint one! Now every Billy Bob, John Boy and Mary Sue get to buy a cheap knockoff at The Hat Hut for $19.99 to look like me while I gotta spend $65 + for a handmade one at the annual artisans fair and I'm stuck looking like everyone else. I don't know if it was me or this guy that made them all the rage now, but whichever of us it is, I hope he goes straight to hell!

Thank God for Sweet Tea

As my readers know, I am 1/4 through my goal of going a full year without partaking in spirits. And it hasn't been much of a challenge. And then there was tonight... This evening I met my hangout bud, Miguel, at our favorite watering hole for some refreshments and pool. It has long been my belief (which I voiced to him outloud for the first time a couple months ago) that Miguel needs to severely cut back on his drinking if not put it away all together. In fact, part of the reason that I am refraining for this time period is in hopes of inspiring him to do the same. This, and my voicing my concerns, has indeed helped in motivating him to cut back slightly... slightly. He's more conscious of how much he is drinking around me at least. I was hanging out at the bar this evening waiting for Miguel to show up when I was asked by the barkeep what I cared to order. And for the first time since I 'quit' I was aware just how smooth, tasty and relaxing a rum and coke (aka a cuba libre to the ill informed barkeeps in this area) would feel sliding down the old asophogus. And I really wanted to order one. But I didn't. Why? Because 1- Up till now its been easy. How triumphant would I be if I refrained only when it was easy to do so? and 2- I really want Miguel to get used to his drinking pal being a non drinker. If I resume ahead of schedule that could nullify whatever advances he has made to this point in cutting back. He knows that I don't have a 'problem' with consumption and if I can't successfully 'quit' then where is the hope that he can? So logic, friendship and determination prevailed. I ordered a sweet tea then kicked his tipsy ass at the pool table!

WARNING: Its a Trap!!

This bumper sticker cracked me the hell up. "Where did you see this car, Brico?" you ask She was sitting in the drivethrough line at Mickey D's of course! I have to commend her for her truth in advertising at least. Now, you all know my history with questions like this! How exactly is the proper way to answer such a queery? I mean, if I respond "yeah, pretty much" its lights out for Brico, right? Yet if I say "no, your fat ass, doesnt make your ass look fat at all" it's 'go time' anyway because I confirmed that yes indeed her ass is fat. So what is an honest guy like me to say? All I'm left to do is take a picture of her car (using the wide angle lens) and emplore my female readers for help. HELP!!

The Three's of Me

This was stolen (that's right 'stolen'. I was not successfully tagged! Got it?) from Minta, 'cause I liked it so much, not 'cause someone told me what to do! 3 Names U go By: brice brico daddy 3 Screen Names U Have Had: brico trout bo bo the wonderslug 3 Things U Like about Yourself: my sense of humor my tatse in music my ability in creating grade A offspring 3 Things U Don’t Like about Yourself: my posture my lack of ambition my shoe size 3 Parts of Your Heritage: scottish irish coloradan 3 Things that Scare U: heights dimentia baby ducks 3 of Your Everyday Essentials: music laughter happy ending 3 Things U are Wearing Right Now: hemp necklace deodorant wry smile 3 of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: buffett allman brothers garcia 3 of Your Favorite Songs: coast of carolina (buffett) soulshine (allman bros) catfish john (garcia) 3 Things U Want to Try in the Next 12 Months: make love counterfeit lead police on a high speed chase 3 Things U Want in a Relationship: independence laughter trust 2 truths and a lie i have cleptomania tendencies i have mugged someone at knife point i have put someone in the hospital 3 Things about the Same Sex that Appeal to U: sobriety good music taste soft spokeness 3 Things about the opposite sex that appeal to U: adventurousness playfulness level headedness 3 Things U Just Cannot Do: vote republican kill something think before i speak 3 of Your Favorite Hobbies: kayaking disc golfing photography 3 Things U Want to do Really Bad Right Now: go to the bathroom make love fly a glider 3 Careers U are Considering: stock car racer navy seal motivational speaker 3 Places You Want to Go on Vacation: tibet caribean great barrier reef 3 Kid’s Names: auburn autumn bryson 3 Things U Want to Do Before U Die: scuba dive off the great barrier reef base jump off of el capitan propose to nicole kidman 3 Ways U are Stereotypically a Boy: having a crush on nicole kidman love adrenilin rushes love watching football 3 Ways U are Stereotypically a Chick: dont like to fight i can color coordinate im clean 3 Celeb Crushes: nicole kidman kate hudson rhea pearlman 3 People U Would Like to Complete This Quiz: sissy b tish belly

Self Portrait Tuesday #1 April 4,2006

"A fool and his reputation are soon parted" This month's theme is April Fool Go here to learn the rules for SPT then play along.

As Promised...

I heard this quote many moons ago. It was in reference to the environment but it's pretty much a general truth so apply it wherever you see it having relevance. I don't know who said it. As always my google search was fruitless... "People won't protect what they don't love. They won't love what they don't understand. And they won't understand what they aren't taught"

Sunday Shenanigans

By the time you read this it will probably be Sunday where you're at. If that is the case then you will be reading this at about the time that I will be taking Aspen out in her very own kayak for the first time! This week I spent a few bucks getting my old (#3) kayak in working shape. One for her to learn on. Sunday will hopefully be the start of many joyous adventures of us upon the water together. Hopefully when you tune in tomorrow there will be a pic or two of a smiling little girl in her kayak... maybe even very wet too. She loves jumping off the piers and jetski, perhaps she'll be up for some stoopid kayak tricks as well! A father can only dream! p.s. did everyone have a happy april fools day?

FYI

i have to work on saturdays. actually. i dont call it work, i call it 'hanging out with 4 friends all day making obscene amounts of money doing nothing'. i call it that not because it's at all accurate but because its a hell of alot easier getting up at 6:30 am on a saturday to "go hang out with 4 friends making obscene amounts of money doing nothing" than it is getting up at 6:30 am on a saturday to "go to work". now... wheres that coffee?