I WANT THAT JOB!

Have you ever seen somebody else in their line of business doing thier job in a helluva lot lesser capacity than you could be doing it? And have you ever seen this take place in a line of work that would be considered an enormous step up from your current job? Did anybody have the misfortune of seeing the monstrocity of a disaster of an excuse for entertainment in the form of a televised program called Celebrity Cooking Showdown? WHO THOUGHT THIS SHIT UP??? Like a... uh... um... something-really-bad-that-you-don't want-to-look-at-but-can't-turn-away-from... that's what this 'show' was like. 1- I did not recognize a single celebrity out of the whole lot of them. At least get me someone I know in some remote fashion from somewhere! You're not even fitting the definition of your show's title! More like 'Anonymous Has Been Cooking Showdown'. 2- No matter how much 'celebrities' try to be entertaining while cooking. They arent! No amount of throwing food, insulting the audience and jumping on top of counters makes me say "This cooking show is really entertaining!" I mean, how many times can someone listen to "My strudle turnover surprise is going to be sooo much better than your mincemeat cobbler casserol its ridiculous!" before they decide to drink themselves into oblivion for the night?! 3- To whom it may concern: Never ever ever... ever! have a commentator commentate on cooking! "Now *anonymous has been 'A'* is slicing up the rhubarb... boy, shes not being shy with the rhubarb. Now rhubarb is going to give any dish that needs a little additional tang and sweetness the added tang and sweetness that it needs to be... more... tangy and... uh... sweet." That shit works in Best in Show and nowhere else! 4- STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! So, somewhere in Sunny Hollywood, some guy sits in a sweet ass office making kick ass cash and drives a really sweet Jag or something. And for what? for giving a show like this the green light! I CAN DO THAT!! I want that job! And I can garuantee that I'll do a helluva lot better at it than he is, and whats more... I'll do it for half the pay! At the bare minumum I would have put the 'celebrities' spouses in giant pots that got ever closer to boiling with every minute that passed before the apple fritter wing dings were done right. You want a good idea for a show? Here!: take a famous episode from any old sitcom (like Cheers for example) and have all the dialogue voiced over in English by guys with Pakistani accents. Frickin hysterical right?! I mean who wouldn't love to hear a room full of people yell 'Norm!' and hear someone who sounds like Apu say "It's a dog eat dog world out there Sammy, and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."? I picked the wrong year to stop drinking... seriously! note1: And congratulations Dan! for finally securing that tenth vote to win the Surprising Fact Contest. Your personalized prize as well as that CD I was supposed to send you a long time ago will be out sometime next week. Personally, I think Rabbit let you win (by voting for you) 'cause she was afraid of me having her address. Im hurt Babbs, I really really am. And what am I supposed to do now with this high power telescope and all the bugging devices I bought? This shit aint cheap! note2: The reason I have two jars of peanut butter open at the same time: A common snack for me is celery in peanut butter. One jar of peanut butter is less than half full; I use this jar for the longer celery sticks, so they can reach to the bottom of the jar. The second jar is newer and closer to full; I use this jar for when the celery stalk has been half eaten and is shorter. This way I am able to use an entire jar of peanut butter without getting goops of it on my hand or fingers. Otherwise I have a jar of peanut half empty that I won't use because I risk getting my hand gooped up. See? Isn't I smart?