single father buddhist vegetarian lover of the outdoors 41
 This was the view I had Sunday afternoon as Tish and I were wasting the day lounging around my place when I heard her say "That is the biggest one I have ever seen!" . . . . . . . . .  Yep, that's was a pretty big bruise I have on my leg. |
The Memorial Day weekend has come and gone. Tish found her way down after getting very lost a few times (she got off at exit 10B only to pass by the very same exit again 90 minutes later). She spent two and a half great days down in my neck of the backwoods only to end up getting very lost on her way back home yet again. More details on her visit will be available on her site and this one in coming days. Lots of laughs and smooches were shared. She was impressed with my cooking skills and had a blast on the maiden voyage of The Sea Weeder. I couldn't coax her in the water but that left her free to take lots of pics.  Miguel and Me coasting the Carloinas 
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| This will be my last post until Tuesday. Hopefully you all have a great splendiforous super duper awesome memorial day extended weekend. I have a long date planned with my blog friend Tish and The Sea Weeder. If the boat is a rockin... ;P |
 Oh yeah, Monkey is a mommy now, I guess that's worth mentioning too huh? She had a planned delivery this Friday morning May 26th, 2006 at 10am her time. Here are the vital stats for Trout (named after me, did you all know that? did i mention i'm an uncle now?) Time: 11:54 am Weight: 8lbs 6 oz Height: 21" Sex: boy Name: Trout So mega congrats to Monkey and all her extended (and now famous) family for the new addition! Look for more pics and info on her site real soon (sorry, no linking allowed)! Hugs and kisses to all you all. |
| Thats right, Dharma is not just the name of an incredibly sexy Jenna Elfman character on an otherwise boring TV sitcom. It means 'truth' or 'the way'. It is a Buddhist term. Buddha taught the Dharma. It is one of the three tenants that a practicing Buddhist is to take refuge (comfort) in. The Dharma (truth), The Buddha (um... Buddha), and The Sangha (the buddhist community in which you reside). As Aspen I and have been doing over recent months, each night we have been reading a chapter from Old Path, White Clouds. A book with 7 page chapters that goes into detail about The Buddha's life and teachings. Well, as the book often does, we got to a part that talked about impermanence and the need for non-attachment in order to free oneself from suffering. She knew what 'permanent' meant and deduced that 'impermanence' would mean something that wasn't forever. Well, wanting to explain this very important concept in a way that she might understand it, I made a mistake similar to the one mentioned in the post below... I didn't think. I explained that her blankey (the one object that she currently takes refuge in) will not last forever. That everything is impermanent and we shouldn't be of the mindset that we will 'have' anything forever. Well out came the tears again. As soon as I said that Blankey wouldn't last forever, I knew I had screwed up. I tried to counter with a distracting statement (no, not "How about some icecream?!"), I said "Well honey, nothing lasts forever. Mommy and Daddy won't be around forever either." Hmmm, for some odd reason she found this neither distracting nor comforting. Perhaps I should just stick to Green Eggs and Ham from now on. Unless I combine the reading with a cooking activity it should be pretty hard for me to screw up my kid any further with good old Dr. Seuss! No computer at home and Thursday is my day off, so consider this Thursday's post. What will I be doing tomorrow? Why, taking The Sea Weeder out on the lake for her first run!!! |
| OOOPS! with a capital 'OOO'! I had the internet disconnected from my place (I still have it at work) in order to feel better about the boat purchase. It has been quite odd not having to go over to the computer at all while walking around the place. Damnit, why doesn't my nextdoor neighbor have a wireless modem I can leach off of?! But then the real tragedy of my decision came into view on Monday morning. Aspen got all ready for school and asked if she could get on her site to feed her pets. As I was hurrying to get ready myself I told her that we didnt have internet anymore in order to pay for the boat. I didn't hear any response and assumed she was getting ready. A minute later I came out to find her still in the computer chair tears rolling silently down her face. She was absolutely heartbroken that she couldn't see her cyberpets. I might as well have just told her that her real dogs and gerbel had just run away from home. I had not thought things through at all and I felt like the worst daddy ever. I knew I wouldn't be able to check my email, my blog or comments, others blogs, movie times or weather or porn sites and I could deal with all that. It never occured to me that Aspen might have needed the net for something, and something immensely important to her at that. Fotunately I was able to email her teacher, after I got to work, and asked if Aspen would be able to get online at some point during the day. Aspen told me yesterday that for the last 2 days she had gotten online at school and had been feeding her pets. She also informed me that Snowy was eating alot and she wondered if she might be going to have babies. |
| In some recent posts I took some liberties with making fun of stickfolk, you know, hillbillies, redknecks, imbreds, I think they're also known as Arkansanians. But in all honesty, hicks are the backbone to several vital economic industries in this country. Without our beloved Jebs and Zekes we wouldn't have our coon skin accesories industry. And where would we be without second hand hubcap shacks on every country road bend? So even though this here blog might just be the funniest thing I done ever seen, ever, I think we shouldn't oughta make laughs at their expense no more. And for the one or two of them that can read this... "I is sorry, I dint mean nuthin." |
| Sigh... Sometimes in life we are faced with difficult decisions. Decisions we wish we didn't have to make. Decisions that we know could have significant impact on our lives and those of our loved ones. Sometimes we make the right yet difficult decision that allows our maturity, our sense of responsibility and moral obligation to shine through. Sometimes we are overcome by jealousy, greed, anger or some other form of selfishness and we break. We make the wrong decision despite our intuition and our loved ones pay. I'm my own worst critic. I prefer it that way. But that means I ride myself hard, constantly pointing out my failures and rarely giving myself credit for my accomplishments (what accomplishments right?). Im humiliated to say that Saturday I was faced with one of those decisions and fell far short of who and what I have I tried to become, for myself and my daughter. I am embarrased and all the words that sit along side it in the thesaurus. I have let myself down and feel that picking myself up again and trying to get back on the right track would be just far too difficult. I want to pack it in and humbly have my human race membership card revoked... You see, Saturday night I attended the NASCAR Allstar Race at Lowes Motor Speedway. I was given VIP passes to the owners box suite by a coworker and felt privelaged at being invited to what most race fans would only dream of. But I'm not trying to make excuses. I attended the event. I have made my bed now I must lie in it. My posting this is not easy and is my first step at trying to come to terms with the decisions I have made. For three hours I was in the presence of nearly every redneck, hillbilly, imbred, and stickfolk that The Blue Ridge Mountains try to hide from the rest of us for the rest of the year. Which brings us to our next post... |
| You may know that the currently crab infested Sissy B's baby's daddy is away. She is lonely and hurting. Since 80% of the attendees of a NASCAR event are 'male' (and I use that term loosely) and since probably 50% of them live within a few hours of where Sissy B resides, I felt this a perfect opportunity to scope out some potential 'better halves' for our dear preggers blogger friend and let her see what's out there waiting for her. Sissy, I have carefully weeded through the 85 + thousand 'male' race fans I encountered this weekend and below is a list of who I have come up with that might make a potential good match for you. Good Luck!
So there you go Sissy B, don't be too discriminating now. Let us know who is the lucky guy who gets a date with you and tell us how it goes. We look forward to a follow up. |
 Aspen and I are ready for our most anticipated activity of the year (pictures of her 'getup' coming soon). This will be her first concert. I'm still deciding on whether to pay the $30 for the backstage passes. A pic of her with Mr Margaritaville would be one of my most treasured posessions ever, but there's just no gaurantee he would be hob-knobbing with us regular joe swashbucklers. The only thing that could possibly make this show any better is if I could get wench Summer to join us. I mean, would we make a good couple or what??? |
| Boat Cover................................ $110 Pivoting Cup Holders.................... $12 48 Quart Igloo Cooler.................. $ 25 Igloo Cooler Seat Cushion.............. $14 Four Life Vests........................... $24 700 Watt Power Inverter............ $39 Waterproof Speakers................. $59 Engine Repair Manual................. $34 Air Horn................................... $14 Waterskis................................ $149 Tow Rope................................ $19 Inner Tube............................... $99 Waterproof CD Stereo............... $149 Pirate Flag............................... $29 Full Tank of Gas....................... $48 Getting The Sea Weeder on The Water for The Summer.... Pretty F**k'n Expensive!! |
| ...I would make it a law that if a citation is given to a citizen telling them they have to appear in court on a certain date, that the citation has to have written somewhere on it the actual address of where said courthouse actually is, or at the very least a phone number of where said info can be obtained! Otherwise said citizen may crumple up, spit on, burn and piss on said citation and afterward completely disregard it and said appearance date with no further punitive action to be taken by the state or county and all fines, penalties (and whatever else I'm forgetting) be totally dropped and forgotten about as well as a heartfelt apology be given to me by Officer Johnny-I-Issue-Tickets-On-Behalf-Of-The-Machine for my having to waste 1 hour of my valuable time on this sunny day trying to locate a stupid courthouse in stupid bumf**k York county where I'm being charged a stupid $105 for not having a stupid PFD (personal floation device) on my stupid watercraft. That would be my first course of action as His Holiness Imperial Presidente and Royal Highness Sir Comandant Brico Almighty Trout Bossman. Actually, my very first course of action would be to change my title to that. Then I would issue a supersecret wiretap warrant on all sex lines and monitor them personally. Vote early, vote often! Vive HHIPRHSCBATB! |
| 1- Went riding after work today at a new trail. it was 2 miles longer than the one I've been getting used to as well as much more technical. I tried it on Sunday morning and my chain broke and had to turn around halfway through. Furthermore, I went with Miguel and 2 of his friends which meant I was pressured to not drop too far back. This trail kicked my ass! The bright side is that riding it the first time is the hardest. So next time I'm kicking it's ass! 2- Okay, I have gone essentially 6 months with no downing of the spirits. I have had a desire a time or two but stuck by it. I have also been 5 months with no partaking. This was supposed to be only a temporary thing because of a domestic issue. That issue may have passed but all desire to light back up is gone. Therefore I'm considering giving myself the green light to have a few drinks when on the The Sea Weeder. I think I feel good about this decision despite that it will be breaking my new year resolution. 3- In order to feel better about the extravagant purchase that is the boat I felt it only fair and balanced (ick... a FOX News term! yuck!) to make a decent cost effective sacrifice I decided I am giving up my cable and internet service at home. Don't panic! I still have internet service at work so The Nut aint going anywhere. And I'm sure I'll end up receiving basic cable anyway after the blocker somehow gets removed from my cable box the next day. But that's neither here nor there. The bottom line is I'll be saving $80/month and that to me justifies the big purchase. 4- Tish is coming for a 3 day visit Memorial Day weekend. I'm excited to meet this close blogger friend of mine. She doesn't know how to swim but she's getting her ass on the lake anyway! 5- If I hear the term 'christian values' one more time I'm gonna excommunicate myself from the human race! I got no problem with Christianity but I do have a problem with many Christians' way of thinking. There is no clear definition that states what constitutes a Christian Value. Any value you come up with there is a 'Christian' somewhere that doesn't hold that value. Furthermore, there is not a value out there that could be deemed 'Christian' that also isn't embraced by people of all faiths. Christianity doesn't corner the market on love, compassion, charity or any of that crap! So give it up all youn's who try throwing that term around. Jerry Falwell, you can lick my rusty nut! |
| 1- I have made no secret in the past that I like a good laugh. That's why Dawn's place is my favorite blog. She just oozes wit and sarcasm like a boil ready to be popped. But the funniest post I've read in a while was today over at Amanda's. Stop by, say hi and read this. I don't relate but you all might. 2- The winner of Be Their Voice #4 comment game is Tish with this comment. Yeah for Tish! There is no prize. 3- If you have noticed that I haven't been by your site in a while, you are not alone. I am officially the world's worst blogger buddy. I think there have been 3 sites that I have gone to in the last couple of weeks. So sorry everyone. Nothing personal. You're all invited for a ride on The Sea Weeder whenever you can make it up this way. Beers on me. Speaking of 'beer', how the hell am I supposed to continue my year abstinence from alcohol when I OWN A BOAT AND LIVE OFF A LAKE? Sorry folks, I see this little project sinking fast. DO you blame me? Does this make me a bad person? |
A 1981 Stingray with a perfect condition hull  Newly detailed interior...  Brand new seats... And a brand new 140hp Seamerc ib/ob motor... All she needs is her name airbrushed onto the back and sides and a stereo installed. |
| Yesterday evening I went biking. Afterward I thought I'd stop off at the local theatre and catch Mission Impossible III... 'cause I am just not satisfied with the amount of Tom Cruise coverage in today's media. So when I get to the theatre I'm still in my biking attire. I open up the car door and stand beside my vehicle as I throw a pair of cargo shorts on over my biking shorts and change shirts. I close the door and go in to enjoy a good 2 hour movie which has Tomkat's face on 1 hour and 54 minutes of it (there were 6 minutes of credits at the end). As I'm walking out I reach for my car keys. They're not in my pockets. Damn... did they fall out onto the candy encrusted floor? Hmmm, I have been known to lock them in the car from time to time (not to worry, that's why I keep a spare in a magnet case under the door). So I continue to the car. When I get there I try the handle and my door flies wide open. There, in the ignition with the radio still going! are my keys! Fortunately my laptop computer, MP3 players (yes, I have two), brand new bike and all its gear, as well as loads of disc golf, camping and kayaking crap remained undisturbed within. Try and top that one people! |
 Years ago, when 'Married with Children' was on, I asked a friend, in my ignorance, who sang that show's theme song 'Love and Marriage'. My friend's response was "Frank Sinatra sang that". Surprised that The Chairman of the Board would be involved with such tasteless TV, my response was "Frank Sinatra did the theme song for 'Married with Children?!!" My friend just stared at me blankly. And that was before I picked up the pipe! |
| Several days ago we here at The Nut asked you to describe the stupidest thing you have ever done. There was to be a prize for the winner. What we learned is that The Nut has quite alot of very smart, intelligent, and careful thinkers out there. Either that or some really emabarassed readers... 'cause next to noone admitted to really doing anything 'stupid'. I must be of a dying breed. There were a few of you. Like Tish who failed to follow some very important directions. Then there was John who tried to impress his roomate before thinking. Let's not forget Erik who was way to focused for his own good. And of course there is Wendy who has a sibling who was absent the day they were handing out brains. After careful consideration of the collective stupidity that courses through the veins of The Nut's readers I have decided that the stupidest thing that anyone here has been able to admit to is... Erik! While I find it a bit contradictory and/or ironic that the topic of someones award winning stupidity is how they passed a physics exam without cheating, I have to admit, his absent mindedness is something I would never have done myself. Everyone else's stupid act? I could easily see myself doing any of those things. Therefor, the winner is Spaceman! Congrats you stupid rocket scientist! Email me your address. |
| So there's this weird 'meme' (I still don't know what that means/stands for) I somehow got tangled up in at Tish's site. I was assigned the letter 'D' ... This is how it works: Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation of what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along. So here's mine... 'D' 1- Dynamic. I don't know exactly what this word means but it sure sounds like a compliment if someone says it about you so I'll throw that one in. 2- Double D. I don't think anymore needs to be said there. 3- Diamonds. Can help you become more familiar with number 2. 4- Dork. My nickname since before birth. Nothing I can do about that. Definately stands in your way from getting more familiar with number 2. 5- Daughter. If you are a first time visitor here then go here or here to understand further. 6-Deltoid. The class of leaf that I have tattooed on my back in honor of number 5. Thanks to this person and her gallery for that. 7- Democracy. You don't know just what you got until you live within the guidelines of a lesser system. 8- Dalai Lama. A main source of inspiration for me that being a better person is just a right thought away. 9- Deuteranope. A person who has deuteranopia. I don't have this affliction but haven't these poor people suffered in the shadows of society as we turn a blind eye to them long enough? No more, people! No more! 10- Disease. Free of them. Definately a requirement to becoming more familiar with number 2. after post sidenote: i find it quite funny that on number 2 i used the word 'anymore' rather than the proper 'any more'. since i used the single word 'anymore' i effectievly said (as soon as mentioning 'double D's') that "i don't think anymore." i was about to correct it then i thought 'actually, it's probably more correct as it is', so i'm leaving it. |
 Miguel can be pretty finicky at times, he'll admit this.He recently admitted that he wasn't all that thrilled with lawn seats at summer shows. This caught me off guard. We almost always get lawn tix... I'm very content with lawn tix. Lots of space, lots better view of the eye candy. Etc. Having heard him out we sit down and go over which shows we are willing to shell out the big $ for the good seats (Black Crowes, Allman Brothers), which shows we are content to see from the lawn (Buffett, Dave Matthews) and which shows we're going to have to skip this year (Tom Petty, Trey Anastasio). Then we devise a plan as to how we will have the most success at getting these ideal seats. Our plan (apparently flawed) was for him to go to Belks Dept Store the morning tix go on sale. He would call me the moment he had the tix on hold to check with me if the seats he was about to purchase were good (aka close) enough for the extra cost. If they weren't then we would wait a few days and see what's available on Ebay (go ahead, click that link!). If nothing of great value was available there then we would settle for lawn tix.  But plans (as they always do) went awry this morning, when Black Crowes tix went on sale. I get a call from Miguel as he is at Belks. The thing is, Belks isn't the store that sells Ticketmaster items! It was Hechts! That's on the other side of the fricken mall! You see, time is of the essence in this global, fast paced, internet ready world, and having to run to the other side of the mall is valuable minutes wasted. In the time it takes you to read this sentence an entire row of seats will be sold in an opening minute of ticket sales for a good concert. "Shit! Damnit! Sumbich!" It's plan 'A -and-a-half' time! As Miguel is doing windsprints past Baby GAP and The Sharper Image, I jump on the computer (which in retrospect should have been plan 'A' in the first place) as fast as I can.  It's 10:06, I'm now six minutes late. I'm anxious but not optimistic. I click the option for the most expensive seats. I hit enter. "Motherf**k!" Ticketmaster has my old credit card number! I have to navigate at blinding speed now through uncharted territory of a Goliath's website figuring out to how change the card number they have on file for me before the seats they have on hold for me (which I didn't even bother to see the cost of or location of) go unheld! To make a long story not quite so long, you my dear readers are looking at the proud owner of 4th row center tix to the upcoming Black Crowes / Robert Randolph show. Remember how ecstatic I was when I stumbled upon 11th row Allman Brothers tix last year? Yeah, those are like nosebleed compared to these seats! |
 Not that what nation in which one is born should ever be a source of pride, not that patriotism (meaning: standing by to defend your government through right or wrong) is at all a positive charateristic, but for me it gets harder and harder each day to not deny my affiliation with my country. *Blah* I don't want to yet again go into this country's high living standard, wasteful energy habits and world diplomacy muscle tactics that make us an enemy of so many poor and struggling people's of the world. What I do want to point out is that at the Kentucky Derby this weekend they will be making and selling $1000 Mint Juleps, complete with hand picked Hawaiian cane (as the sugar ingredient) and arctic glacial ice shavings! Does it really need pointing out how much food, how many pipes to a sustainable water system or how many semesters of higher education 1K could buy in a developing nation? Do we think that this kind of monetary waste goes unnoticed, unpublished, undiscussed in other parts of the world on a daily basis? What kind of reaction and emotion builds up in struggling societies around the globe on a communal and individual level when this type of economic frivolity continues year after year after year afer year by a world power? Terrorism doesn't occur out of hatred toward 'freedom'. That is a lie that we were fed on September 12th, 2000. Terrorism occurs out of hatred toward a society that spends $1000 for a 6 ounce drink. Cheers, folks. Cheers. |
 After a relaxing couple of hours on the lake Thursday evening, Michael (and I) row the boats ashore (hmmm, think I'll write a song about that)shortly after dusk only to be met by two sheriff officers who are staking out the boat ramps. They ask for our IDs. Apparently (I have to say apparently in case the judge ever finds this blog but in reality I knew this) it is the law that all watercraft (not just motorized) be equipped with one flotation device per person on board. Since Miguel + Brico = two on board people, that left me two flotation devices short. The fine of which is $105 per person. Funnily enough, since Miguel's ID was from NC and we were in SC sheriff officer #1 explained to Miguel that because he was out of state he had to pay the $105 now, on the spot, at this moment, without delay, or be taken to jail until he could post bail. The look on his face was priceless (much like when I'm beating him at darts by 400+ points). Man he was not happy. He relaxed a bit when the fine price was actually stated out loud. He was thinking the fee/bond cost would be in the neighborhood of $700+. Fortunately Miguel walks around with that kind of cash on him so we were both able to leave after being cited. Now is it just me? I see guys in traffic court getting nothing but a warning for having open containers of alcohol in the car and attempting to flee a police vehicle (seriously, I HAVE SEEN THIS IN PERSON, LIVE, FIRST HAND). Yet I get a fine for $105 for not having a life vest on my kayak? Yes, by law, I don't have to even be wearing the vest, just have it on board. That way in case I am slammed into by a speeding boat, there is somewhere within reasonable distance a life vest that I can grab and put on in my fatally injured and unconscious state. That makes about as much sense as why the Howels had a change of clothes in every episode when it was only supposed to be a three hour tour. note: this is what im going to say in court (since miguel and i have different court dates for some reason): that the yellow kayak (Old Yeller - which has storage compartments) had both vests in it. the blue yak (Big Blue - which has no storage) had none, but that the officer disallowed this since each vessel has to be equipped with its own. this IS somewhat true seeing that i have actually considered buying life vests in the past and storing them in the garage. wish me luck! |
| Just when you thought your breakup was taking a bad turn... Illinois lawyer Gary Peel was in a heated divorce settlement recently when he decided to break out the big guns. Telling his wife that if she didn't back off on her divorce demands he would shock her parents by showing them old pictures of him and her younger sister having sex. The thing is, the younger sister was 16 at the time. This makes him guilty of possession of child pornography. Yes, the police were called in, evidence collected and files were charged. Hmmmm, it's apparently legal to have sex with a 16 year old, just not legal to take pictures of it. I love our legal system. Just when you thought your workplace didn't make sense... Wales citizen Sabrina Pace had breast enlargement surgery (going from a B cup to a DD) then turned around and sued her manager for paying undesired attention to her chest. Her case was immediately thrown out of the courts. Hmmmmm, I love Wales legal system even better! note: everybody say hello to siddharta at the bottom of this page. he gets lonely. and aspen has some new friends too. she absolutely loves them! |
 "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" is what those around me suddenly heard at high volume. I thought I would share with you the stupidest thing I have ever done. To do that properly requires a quick graphic (see photo). In high school I had a friend who was not allowed to get his ear pierced. But he wanted his ear pierced. So he bought an ear piercing gun and took it with him to school each day. Every day, once on the bus, he would pierce his ear then everyday before getting home he would take the earring out. One day I was looking at his ear piercing device, playing around with it if you will. I observed how when the trigger was pulled the hammer (do I have that part labeled correctly Em?) slammed with great force as far as point 'B' but stopped there and did not enter into part 'A' . If there were an actual earring in the gun it would have traveled to point 'A'. But when I was playing with it there was no earring in the gun. After several times of cocking the device and pulling the trigger and observing that no part of the gun ever entered into the area of 'A' I felt it safe to to put my finger in area 'A' and pull the trigger. And such was the case. As anticipated, the hammer stopped at point 'B' and my finger was never touched. After doing this a few times I felt it completely safe to cock the gun, put it up to my earlobe and pull the trigger. In theory, the same scenario would pass... But theories aren't fact. For when placing a device such as this up to your ear, you inevitably take it out of your field of vision. You see, I was no longer able to see exactly where in the device I was placing my earlobe. And let me tell you, to an earlobe, area 'B' feels an awful lot like area 'A'... That is, until you pull the trigger! At that point it feels worlds different. To this day I have a nice scar on my left earlobe and will never go to any high school reunion. So I've shared. Now... your turn, what is the stupidest thing you've ever done? A prize to the winner. I sincerely hope somebody tops mine. Come on people! Give! |
