IF I WERE PRESIDENT...

...I would make it a law that if a citation is given to a citizen telling them they have to appear in court on a certain date, that the citation has to have written somewhere on it the actual address of where said courthouse actually is, or at the very least a phone number of where said info can be obtained! Otherwise said citizen may crumple up, spit on, burn and piss on said citation and afterward completely disregard it and said appearance date with no further punitive action to be taken by the state or county and all fines, penalties (and whatever else I'm forgetting) be totally dropped and forgotten about as well as a heartfelt apology be given to me by Officer Johnny-I-Issue-Tickets-On-Behalf-Of-The-Machine for my having to waste 1 hour of my valuable time on this sunny day trying to locate a stupid courthouse in stupid bumf**k York county where I'm being charged a stupid $105 for not having a stupid PFD (personal floation device) on my stupid watercraft. That would be my first course of action as His Holiness Imperial Presidente and Royal Highness Sir Comandant Brico Almighty Trout Bossman. Actually, my very first course of action would be to change my title to that. Then I would issue a supersecret wiretap warrant on all sex lines and monitor them personally. Vote early, vote often! Vive HHIPRHSCBATB!