TISH QUOTE #7

So Tish and I are talking on the phone last night. I break the news to her that I'll be going to a bachelor party at some point in the near future. I offerd to be the designated driver for the guys that night (free dinner, free soda, vivid memories of the evening... why not). Trying to play down the whole planned events I casually dismiss any enthusiasm for the night. She responds cooly: "Mmmm hmmm... I've seen enough bachelor parties to know what goes on at those things." I respond: "Wait a minute! You've 'seen' several bachelor parties??? Sweet heart, There's only one girl present at a bachelor party! Just how many bachelor parties have you been that girl at??" She quickly tried to change the subject.

ASPEN QUOTE #27

Tonight Aspen had a friend stay over. At one point I brought in popcorn and hot chocolate as they played a board game in her room. I came in shortly later to check on them. Aspen very pleasantly says to me: "Daddy? Can you not check on us unless we call you please? Not to be mean or anything but were talking about boys." Me: "Okay. Say did you know that when a boy gets his first girlfriend his father takes him out to a field where they shoot a pony and burn a puppy to celebrate?"

TEN REASONS TISH AND BRICO HAVE MADE IT 8 MONTHS

Tish and I are celebrating our 8 month aniversary today. Well, she is celebrating it, I'm going along for the ride. I mean '8 months'... what is that? Actually, (and these are my words not hers) it is the longest that a guy has ever tapped the Tish well since her 5 year marriage ended. In fact (and these are her words not mine) even though she was married for 5 years I've still been tapping the Tish well longer than he got to. So... we've been together 8 months, my math tells me that in that time we've spent appoximately an entire 48 minutes total getting busy. That's nearly halfway to triple digits!Sweet! In honor of of this hallmark 8 months I promised her that next time she comes down I will give her an unforgettable 8 minutes of Brico loving. Think about it Tishy, imagine what you will get on our 2 year anniversary! It boggles the mind doesn't it? But seriously, I'm trying to figure out just why I have managed to continually reel this little fish in over the last 3/4 of a year. This is all I can come up with: 1- Size doesn't matter to her 2- I let her beat me at board games 3- She prefers to be in a relationship where she is the brains of the operation 4- She has a thing for Moby look alikes 5- I can find the sweet spot in 45 minutes flat (sometimes) 6- The distance gaurantees her plenty of down time 7- 'Sorry' is part of my vocabulary (especially when the lights are out) 8- My Kermit and Elmo voices make her all mushy inside 9- I'm a pushover when it comes to watching whatever estrogen stimulating movie film she throws in the DVD player 10- She's not quite right in the head apparently Anyway baby, thanks for all the support, love, lovin', gifts, back rubs, dinners, smiles, laughs and memories over the last 8 months. Hopefully you'll let there be plenty more down the road.

ALL THINGS MUST PASS

The name Miguel has appeared on the pages of The Nut since its inception. He and I served in The Peace Corps in Honduras together from '94-'96. We have been drinking, bullshitting, concert going, philosophical speaking, pool playing, kayaking and boating buddies for the last 7 years. If I have ever had a complaint about this stellar compadre it is that he drinks a bit above moderation on a regular basis and that it is damn near impossible to get him to do anything on your terms. If you want to do what he wants to do then all is well. But do not expect him to go along with what you want to do. For a number of reasons, mostly not enough hours in the week and each of us having more obligations than in years past, Miguel and I have been finding essentially zero time to meet and toss back a few over the last several months. The phone calls have become fewer and further between. The hang out sessions are monthly rather weekly. The last minute cancellation or change of plans on his part is just as frequent as ever. I put out an invite today for him and his SO to come down to my place (about 16 miles south) for the Super Bowl. The last time we saw eachother was December 30th. The email response was "Thanks, but I think I'll watch that on my end of town at my place or my SO parent's place or something." So here is a significant event (in our lame ass eyes anyway) which we have watched together most every year. I step up and plan for it to be at my place for a change this year. Aspiring for the full treatment the event deserves. He chooses not to make it because of unsolidified plans to watch it at his place alone... or maybe somewhere else. He isn't quite sure. But he won't be able to make it down to my place. That much is for certain. I'm afraid it's time to let go and to allow 'things' to drift where they will. I'm not going to be the only one to struggle for a friendship that seems to have seen it's days. I'm not embarrassed to cry over this nor am I ashamed to post about it. This is, I guess, a tribute to my fondest friendship. From the days of smoking on the island Roatan, to the countless concerts, from the way too long of periods of celibacy interspersed by the occasional girlfriend, to the road trips to Virginia and Asheville, from midnight kayaking ventures, to the vomit inducing biking junkets, and of course the christening of The Sea Weeder. These are the memories I will keep. Certainly we will see eachother when occasion arises. Perhaps the next Allman Brothers Show. The distance between us is not great. But a chapter has obviously concluded itself. All the best, friend. All the best.

TEN COOL FACTS YOU DIDN'T KNOW

As of late I have been reading a number of history books that reveal little known and quite interesting facts about our global past. Here are some of my favorites thus far... 1-No mummy or other human remains have ever been found in a pyramid in Egypt. It is widely believed that the great pyramids were meant to be tombs for pharohs but even rooms with undisturbed coffins have never yielded a mummy (King Tut's coffin was not discovered within a pyramid). 2- Alexander Graham Bell did not invent the telephone. It was invented 15 years earlier in 1860 by Philip Reis, however he failed to convince his audience of it having any practical use and it was forgotten. 3-The Pony Express was in operation for a mere year and a half before going under due to the invention of the telegraph. 4-The form of writing known as braile was created by Charles Barbier, a French soldier, as a way of reading orders at night so as not to have to light a candle and reveal troop positions to the enemy. 5-The most successful and feared pirate in history was Hsi Kai, a Chinese woman, in the early 1800's. She was eventually given a full pardon and allowed to keep all of her lootings in a compromise with the Chinese government. At her height she commanded 50,000 men and 1000 ships. 6-The guillotine was invented by French Dr. Joseph Guillotin as a more humane way to execute criminals after witnessing barbaric manual beheadings. His children changed their surname after his passing so as not to be associated with the device. 7- The pilgims did not intend to land at Plymouth Rock, MA. However they failed to head north to their intended landing because they had run out of beer. The pilgrim's first order of business upon arrival to these shores was to erect a brew house. 8- Contrary to popular myth, Christopher Columbus did not have to convince his crew or anyone else that the world was not flat. The fact that the world was indeed round had been well established for 200 years prior in educated realms. What he had to convince others of was that the world was not nearly as big as was commonly thought and that traveling it across it's equator would take only a few weeks at best. His calculations proved to be quite incorrect. 9- Attila The Hun died on his wedding night of a severe nose bleed. The result of an over active evening. 10- The ancient olympic games which began in 776B.C. were cancelled in 394A.D. by Roman Emperor Theodosius because he had been converted to Christianity and he felt they were a glorification of pagan worship. They were reinstated again in 1896.

CHECK IT OUT!

I am so smrt! Thanks to a random central amercian tourist website and the 'view source' option I was able to find this little slide show html for free. <------ So... how did you waste your Saturday??? As soon as Tish manages to get in better health for a change and actually make it down here with her portfolio of pics of us, I shall make a second slideshow. Right now the only pics I have of her aren't fit to post on a family website. Get better baby! p.s. you can get this and other cool blog stuff here http://www.dynamicdrive.com

TISH QUOTE #6

So for my birthday Tishy gets me an adorable coupon book of lovey dovey kinda things. Examples are: an hour long backrub; an evening of doing whatever you want; your favorite dinner cooked while you relax; etc. I think I cashed one of these in successfully. Since then I have tried to cash in several others and always get the same response... "But baaaaaaaaabyyyyyyyy. I wanted to watch a moooooovie toniiiiiiiight." And a movie watching is what we end up doing. And it's always one of her movies! I think I'm growing breasts I've been exposed to so much estrogen inducing visual media over the last few months. I swear I was spotting yesterday! So she has the gall to say to me the other day "You need to use more of those coupons baby, that's why I got them for you." I almost fell out of my car seat (I was driving at the time) I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I reminded her as nicely as I could that I had indeed been trying to use them repeatedly, to no avail. Her response: "Yeah, but you always try to use them when I want to do something else!" That time... I did fall out of my car seat!

COZY COZY

It has become evening ritual as of late for Aspen to dry off by the fire on the beanbag chair next to the roaring fire log. Thought I would break out the camera for the first time in a while. Tune in tomorrow for a very revealing Tish Quote.

TODAY'S EPISODE: YOU DON'T KNOW ME! I DON'T OWE YOU!

I have been emailing far too extensively with Aspen's mother's new boyfriend (baby-to-be's daddy). You would not believe the extent he is going to try to justify her not paying support. I could give you excerpt after excerpt of non-sensical sentences that miss the mark completely. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt most of the time. I try to believe that a person I am dealing with most often has some rationalle to their thinking, even if it is flawed. It's just a matter of finding the lines they're thinking along then readjusting that line a bit. Not in this case. Listening to these two short sighted self centered people try to justify not paying her previous obligations is like listening to a racist try to justify their hatred. I'll give you two examples: 1-"We are not married. When can she realistically get a job? How will that impact her ability to care for her baby? I personally did not not want (Aspen's mom) to work, but rather stay at home and care for our child. That may no longer be possible. " This is him trying to explain that my seeking the court ordered monthly $ is going to inconvenience him and the plans they had for her not working after their new child was born. Should a grown adult have to be explained that previous obligations (her support to Aspen) take priority over brand new obligations (staying home with the new infant)? It's like arguing with a 12 year old. No offense to the 12 year olds out there! 2-"I am responsible for my child. You are responsible for yours. That is the end of it." I can't quite figure out where he was hoping this logic would go but I corrected him that she and I are responsible for our child and she and he are responsible for their child. Since 'she' is a factor in both of those, 'she' needs to make sure her obligations to her previous children are being met before taking on new ones. Kind of a given right? Am I losing anyone with this highly advanced form of logic? Anyway, I informed him that I was done with this pointless debate (much to Tish's relief I am sure). It is clearly a waste of my time. I enjoyed it for awhile. It was almost like an interactive Jerry Springer show without the risk of getting a chair thrown at you. But eventually you want to change the channel to something that doesn't kill brain cells by the nano second. I concluded by saying: "I am intelligent enough to not expect support from her end. I ask that you both be intelligent enough not to try and justify it."

AND THE INSANITY CONTINUES

So Aspen's mom says she will not be paying me child support despite the court order. Her reason? She is unable to work now that she is pregnant with another child. Therefor she has no income. Think a judge will buy that argument for being a deadbeat mom? It may be difficult for Aspen to visit her throughout the summer when visiting hours are only noon till 4 Monday thru friday. I'm just saying.

BE THEIR VOICE #8

Seeing that I made half the blogger world loose their lunch with yesterday's post (scroll down if you missed it), and seeing that only 2 of you actually included a quote with their comment, we at The Nut are gonna try this again... with a subject a bit easier on the stomach and eyes. Please include quotes of what the these two little furballs of love are saying. Here's mine: Kitten 1: "I swear to god, Brico always puts me in this damn thing and takes a picture every time he screws up with one of his girlfriends. Then he prints it out and makes a card and sends it to her with some cute little 'i love you' crap. Kitten 2: "You should be so lucky! He's always shoving me in his boxers and sticking my head out the hole for pictures... come to think of it... I've never seen a camera. Why does he do that?"

BE THEIR VOICE #7

It's been a while since we did one of these. This one should be called 'Be Their Thoughts' 'cause I don't think this guy will be speaking anytime soon. I love this pick. After you look past all the blood you can see the tongue, his uvula, a few teeth, and his two sinus passages. My quote for him: "That is the LAST time I cheat on Tish and get caught!" Watchya got?

THE BUDDHIST AGENDA

Watch out folks, we're taking over! The 110th U.S. Congress swore in this week. With that comes some awesome milestones. Of course now we have the 1st ever female Speaker of The House (only 2 more rungs of the ladder to go before that glass ceiling is all but abolished! - of course it will be a cold day in hell before I let the NFL have a female referee! but that's neither here nor there) We also now have our first ever Muslim Congressman, Minnesota's Keith Ellison. More importantly we have our first ever Buddhist Congresspersons, Hank Johnson of Georgia and Mazie Hirono of Hawaii. But since fear and ignorance are ever present in our world whenever there is change there is idiocracy close behind. For some reason close minded members of the general public, feeble minded talk show hosts, and ill informed members of our federal government are up in arms over the possibility that these new serving members may have been sworn in on a book other than The Bible. Some have even stated (falsely) that swearing in on The Bible is an unbroken tradition since George Washington and use that in defense of passing a law requiring all public servants to swear in on The Bible and nothing else. The fury gained steam when Muslim Representative Ellison announced his intention to swear in on The Quran, the holy book of Islam. The funny thing is that members of Congress do not swear in on any book. They all raise their hand in a group and get sworn in together. Commemorative pictures are often taken later with one's hand on a Bible but this is completely unofficial and for show alone. Presidents and Vice-Presidents are sworn in with their hand on a book of their choice. While that customarily has been The Bible, there have been notable exceptions. John Quincy Adams intentionally used a legal volume rather than a religious text to further establish the separation of church and state. Theodore Roosevelt used no book at all saying his religion had nothing to do with it. Herbert Hoover, a Quaker, chose to be affirmed rather than 'sworn in' as it is against a Quaker's beliefs to 'swear' in Jesus' name. And this doesn't even delve into the fact that there are several different Bibles that have been used thoughout our history. Jews hold The Tanakh as their holy book (similar to the Old testament of The Bible). Mormons use The Book of Mormon. And the Catholic Bible contains 73 books while the Protestant Bible has 66. As always, the lack of insight and intelligence that governs peoples opinions and mouths astounds and frightens me. For the record: A Buddhist would opt for The Dhamapada if they used anything at all on which to take an oath. Oh yeah, The Quran that Keith Ellsion used for his private ceremonial swearing in Photo? Belonged to Thomas Jefferson.

SECRET (volunteer) AGENT BRICO

A few weeks ago I asked readers to send me names and numbers of orphanages near me to which I could apply as a volunteer. As an incentive for your legwork I would give kudos here on The Nut to the blogger who hooked me up with the info of the home with whom I ended up working. Today I had my orientation with the chosen organization. And the blogger who ended up hooking me with them was... yeah... I'm not allowed to say. You see, the children who reside in an orphanage have been removed from their homes against their families will in most cases. Alot of these parents are willing to go to great lengths to find out where their children are. So the location of this emergency home and who the staff and volunteers are is to remain quite confidential. If I were to announce who the blogger was that gave me the orphanage's info where I am now a volunteer, you all could look it up in the comments of that post and see the name and number of that 'home' and figure out where I am devoting my time. That would be a pretty big 'no no' apparently. So I will email the 'winning' blogger and let them know how indebted I and these children who will benefit from my presence are to him/her. Going through the 2 hour orientation this morning was quite the eye opener. The children's ages range from 3 days to 21 years old. They all attend a special charter school near their home so as not to be in the public school system. The residents are there for approximately 90 days before being hooked up with foster families. they often arrive in the middle of the night shortly after being taken without notice from their homes. They often leave again with no prior notification. No being able to say goodbye to their new best friends or teachers or roommates. Only 20% of them are ever reunited with their parents and of those, 50% are taken away from their families a second time. After that they are never returned to their homes. The home is funded almost entirely by donations of monies, furniture, food, toys, equipment, etc. For every hour that a person volunteers there they are given a $12 grant from the state. My initial thought is that my time there will be spent helping children with homework. That was along the lines of what I had envisioned and the director confirmed that the kids would benefit immensely from this. I will be bringing Aspen with me each time. Allowing her to benefit from the volunteering experience was the initial catalyst for my looking into this. What she does with her time there will be seen then I suppose. She likes the idea of reading to the littler children or playing games with them. Her time there will actually be officially documented for future high school or college class credits and will also count toward grant money for the home. Of course posts will be coming in the near future so you all can be experiencing this with us. This post will self destruct in 10 seconds.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS AND A YEAR IN REVIEW

2006 saw me enter my most serious relationship since my marriage of 5 years ago. The woman I'm in love with is patient, considerate, understanding, calm, generous, reliable, intelligent, hot, insatiable, and a great cook! Did I leave anything out? Did I mention her physical assets? 2006 saw me get a new and my most special tat ever. That's all thanks to Addict. 2006 saw me get full custody of my daughter after a year of stressful confrontations and legal scenarios. That alone made my decade. 2006 saw me become a boat owner... hopefully for life. Those are 4 ginormous positives in my life in the last year! I try to think of anything that I could put in here to balance that out a bit... the yin to the yang if you will. I can't think of anything. At all. The Allman Brothers didn't come to town in 2006. That kinda blew. Nicole Kidman got married. That seriously blew! But she married an addict/alchy so I can take comfort in that she will be available again before too long. My back is seriously killing me this morning but I guess that has to count against 2007 rather than last year. Damn how I miss 2006! What could possibly go right in my life to make it even better than 2006? Hmmm, I could win the lottery (17,7,69,30,36,8,98); figure out an easy solution to the middle east problems (there's a chemical in popsicles made with gypsy blessed Hungarian mineral water that when ingested by radical extremists of any faith their senses are suddenly awakened to the benefits of pacifism); and I could be become enlightened while meditating to the lyrics of songs ("wait a minute!!! all.we.are.is.dust.in.the.wind! yes! of course! it all makes sense now!!") But those numbers already worked for me in a keeno game many years ago when I was trying it for fun and didn't bet on it (true story! $1 would have paid $1000!); popsicles melt within seconds of being in the middle eastern sun; and I've meditated on those lyrics day in and day out for 20 years and I aint getting anywhere! Moving on to resolutions... Last year in this post I made a resolution and have kept it! Success! I even made a second resolution to not partake of the herb for a while. Again, success! Now that the year has passed I ponder whether or not to break out the stash and see what I've been missing. No hurry though. I'm good where I'm at. I did make another resolution to not drink spirits for one year to see if I could do it. Then... I bought the boat. I knew that that resolution was out the window as soon as she broke water. I forgive myself on that one. This year, my resolution is to do 5 minutes of back exercises every.frickin.day. I do alot of sitting in my line of work and need to keep certain muscles strengthened in order to keep from pulling a muscle or pinching a nerve during simple mundane activity. I would say that love making would count as exercise but I know Tish would say "And what will you do for exercise for the other 3 minutes each day honey?" Ahem, she's such a kidder. Anyway, as we did here last year, please share with us what YOUR new year's resolution is for 2007. And good luck!