MAY I EXAMINE YOUR DIPLOMA 'DR.' DOBSON?

Why on Earth do I want to move back to Colorado Springs?! Sure, Pikes Peak, Garden of The Gods, Air Force Academy, foot of the Rocky Mtns, best friend Sean, my mom... it's all there for the good times to be had. But then, Focus on The Family and delusional cult leader James Dobson also call Colorado Springs home (for the record: I was calling the place home looooong before they tainted the soil there). During the campaign, Obama accurately stated (and I'm paraphrasing) "It would be impractical to try to govern based solely on bible scripture. Even if The U.S. was 100% Christian, which version of Christianity would dictate govt policy? Al Sharpton's or James Dobson's?" Makes perfect rational sense to us grounded thinkers. Dobson (for some reason, many months after Obama's original statement) 'stabbed' back at Mr. Yes-We-Can by saying that Obama is deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the bible with his own confused theology. Let's put aside the argument for a moment that if you have any theology period then you are automatically confused. We'll just look at Obama's statement plain and simple and compare it to Dobson's retort: Not only would it be impractical it would be illegal to base laws solely on any religious doctrine. Thank you writers of The Constitution! Doesn't sound too confused to me. In fact, I would say that anyone who finds this statement and/or view 'confusing' is he himself rather unfamiliar with the inconsistencies in the bible and the sound wording of The Constitution. Obama also stated that people should not try to create laws/bills based solely on scripture. Dobson took particular 'confusing' offense to this (absolutely correct) statement by arguing that by Obama's logic no one should be able to fight for anti -abortion or other laws that are found to be against god's will because they are in the bible. Not quite, James. Many of our laws (murder for example) are 'sins' according to the bible but they are not laws because they are in the bible. In fact murder has been found to be illegal in various society's throughout history before the old testament even existed and by cultures that had no knowledge or care what the bible said. Murder is illegal in China as is the bible. Murder is illegal because the immorality of killing stands on it's own, easily passing a common sense smell test not because it is one of the ten commandments. Dobson and everybody else has the right to petition the government for laws that are based on logic and common sense and even morality. But the bible, no bible, has a monopoly on moral teachings. If the government is to pass a law (abortion, lets say), it can not pass it based on scripture teachings. Therefor, one can not base the argument to make it illegal on scripture teachings. One does not need a law degree to get from point A to point B there. If the government is to 'illegalize' (shut up! I just made it a word!) abortion it must do so on sound evidence that the practice is immoral. Therefor, the petitioner must provide evidence that it is immoral. Fortunately, opening up the bible does not constitute 'evidence' of anything in our court and judicial system. There is no more place in our system of government for a Christian to petition a law based on their bible's teachings than there is for a Hindu to do the same based on the Bhagavad Gita's teachings. All you burger lovers should be thankful for that. Again, all laws passed or even petitioned need to stand on their own merit as logical and moral... not because a fictitious 'god' mandated them. Otherwise, The U.S. constitution might as well be burned and the country's name changed to Afghanistan. So, 'Dr.' Dobson, it is you with your distorted theologies and constitutional contemptuousness who is attempting to run amok with our freedoms... not Obama and his sound judgemement infringing upon yours.

DEATH, FINES, THERAPY, CROWES AND MMJ

I miss George Carlin. Not only did we think alike but we looked alot alike. I trust Comedy Central, or some network at least, will do a special 1 hour tribute to him within the week. Comedy is inherently edgy but Carlin was the guy to push the envelope, daring to cross lines that no other in the field would. I will always remember him as Cardinal Glick in the movie Dogma. Who else could have tackled that roll with such confidence and gusto? The comedy joints in Heaven are rejoicing at their new headlining act tonight. I got a speeding ticket yesterday while out and about on the (as of yet un-named) bike. Had her less than a week. But it weren't my fault! The tank bag I purchased for her obscures the speedometer! Hence, I have no way of knowing how fast I'm going! I told this to the 'officer' when he asked why I was doing 53 in a 35. At first I tried to tell him I was dislexic and got the numbers backwards. He was less than conciliatory. Why do I still have to pay the $120 court cost if I opt out of going to court and just want to pay the fine? Taxation without representation anyone?! The physical therapist has me doing isometrics on my shoulder. I guess we'll move to the elbow and wrist in coming weeks. I think she's recommending me to a different specialist entirely for the stupidity issue. I'll probably bail on that appointment, unless it's court ordered of course. Waited in line for 3 hours Saturday morning to buy Black Crowes tix. They're playing at a tiny little dive in November for 2 nights. Already made a profit from the unused tix I bought to cover the expense of the 2 I'll be using. Please don't confuse this with scalping (honestly)! The tix could only be purchased at the theatre that morning, not through Ticket Master or any other national site. Hence, by my grabbing extra tix and selling them on Craig's list I was performing a service for those out of the area unable to secure tix themselves. The extra $ was for my time and effort and waiting in line at 6:30 in the AM on a Saturday. Anyhoo, thanks to my business clairvoyance, I get to see both shows without any ill effect on my wallet. Finally... this song gives me hope for the future of both rock and roll. if Kalani is allowed to show endless Fugazi and Ben Harper videos then I can show one once in a while too!

THE ULTIMATE TRUTH/COMEDY

If you've got a moment, enjoy this quick bit. I could have been famous if Ol' George hadn't already made these observations. I have thought these exact lines many times before. The soapbox of truth is missing one heck of a speaker now. Say 'hi' to god for me buddy.

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

I love Craig's List!!! This baby went up for sale last night. Having been checking the site neurotically for the last week finally paid off! I saw this gem 10 minutes after it was listed. I scurried down to the seller's house 20 minutes later. By the time I got there there were two other potential buyers also trying to get there as fast they could. Fortunately, The Trout-man lived closer than those rat bastards. I won't say how much she cost but it was less than $1501.00! She's a customized '88 Suzuki Savage 750 with a lowered chassis. She rides as smooth as she looks. Now for the fun part... I am allowing you all to name her! The only stipulation is that it has to be a female name no more than 2 syllables. Leave your submissions in the comments. Leave as many as you like. When I hear the right name I will announce it. There will be a prize. p.s. I had thought about naming her Sissy B in hopes that one morning I would open the garage and there would be a bunch of mini bikes cruising around her. But then again, I don't want something that tempermental.

BAD MOVIES, LAME BIKES AND A LONELY FATHER'S DAY

Aspen left with her mom for the summer yesterday. Aspen was crying as they drove off. What does it say about me as a person that the first thing I did when I went back into the house was to shut the AC vents in her room and close her door so as to conserve energy? Was that heartless? Looked at 2 bikes yesterday, a '93 Ninja and a '98 Nighthawk. I hate the crotchrocket style ninja bikes but they are much more plentiful on the used market than the classic american street style bike. Unfortunately, both bikes needed more work to be road-ready than I was willing to put into it. So the search continues. I may look at another Nighthawk tonight. Went to see The Happening last night. I am a huge M. Night Shyamalan fan. Yes, I loved The Village and even thought Lady in The Water was pretty good. So it was with great optimism and enthusiasm that I purchased a (hold on to your ass!...) $10!!! ticket for admittance! I can not believe how bland and forgetful this film was! I walked out of the theatre sad that the apparent genius behind The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable is on an elongated cerebral hiatus. The previews looked so promising too! Humanity having to deal with facing it's own extinction at the hands of a pissed off mother nature or one of her subordinates. A compelling and relevant topic in this day and age to be sure. It was stoic and featured infinite close ups on thoughtful and confused faces of the main characters which worked as a contrast to what one may expect in a 'end of days' themed movie. But where was the suspense? Where was the revelation halfway through that makes you re-evaluate all that you had seen up to that point? What was with the extended focus on the crazy lady when she had nothing to do with the plot? Why did Marky Mark continue to freak out about needing a moment to think when the scene ended without incident? And most importantly: Why the hell was the movie rated R if the main actress/temptress Zooey Deschanel didn't take her top off? Did you all see her in Elf as Elf's female elf friend?! Yum! I've got a candy cane for her I tell you what! ps. an alternate closing statement there was " I'ld love to shake up her snow globes I tell you what!" I thought "...jingle her bells..." was a bit childish though. At any rate... the movie sucked.

ALL ASHORE WHO'S GOING ASHORE!

Due to a combination of the economy and a pending move to Colorado, it was time to sell The Sea Weeder. The windfall resulting from the sale shall go to the purchase of a motorcycle in order to drastically cut what I'm spending on a daily basis in gas ($16+ @ five days a week = OMFG! - and that's at the current price of gas, the savings go up when you factor in the likely $6/gallon that will be here before winter). I am well aware that considering my safety record on a simple mountain bicycle that climbing aboard a motorized 2 wheeler capable of speeds a bit faster than what I can pedal that this may not be the smartest idea for my bones, but desperate times call for insane measures. When the right gas sipping vehicle is found, you all will be the first to know. Anyone want to volunteer to be the first rider when I take her out?

MORE BELLY-ACHING

Had a follow-up with the orthopedic doc on Wednesday. He says the collar bone that now sticks up will probably always protrude to some degree or another. That kind of sucks but as long as it gets back to 100% functionality then I won't complain. I start physical therapy next Wednesday. So maybe there will be some good pics of me working out with 1/2 lb weights or doing water-arobics with the stroke recoverers or something. In fact I can now see a war veteran with has hands blown off beating me in ping pong... or something to that effect. Aspen has now graduated to the 4th grade. She has horse camp for a week then is off to AZ for the summer. We hired a new guy at work last week. Today he is supposed to come into the office at noon. By 1:30 there is no word from him so the boss calls. He says he had to help his sister move and would be in a bit later. He never showed up. This guy is certainly looking to be dismissed and collect unemployment, right? No one expecting or hoping to keep their job would think this was acceptable behavior, right?

I'LL SIT ON THE SIDELINES FOR THIS ONE

Aspen asked what was with all the armadillo pics on The Nut recently. I tells her that a blogfriend is "not feeling well" and I was throwing the rodent pics up with every post to lift her spirits. And I should have seen this coming, she asks if she can make an armadillo pic for her (I think she was trying to put off bedtime quite frankly - I could not have raised someone that thoughtful and considerate). I tells her "sure!" And behold, the result. Aspen drew this in about 10 minutes after having only glimpsed the other dillo pics on here. I was pretty impressed.

OSAMA, HEZZBOLAH, HAROLD ICKES AND OTHER ENEMIES OF DEMOCRACY

"I am stunned that we have the gall and chutzpa to substitute our judgement for 600,000 voters" was what Harold Ickes stated to the DNC yesterday when that organization decided to award the delegates of Florida and Michigan half a vote each. Soooo many things wrong that sentiment and others held by the Clinton camp. 1- Bricotrout is stunned that Clinton and her supporters were in favor of not counting Florida's and Michigan's votes a few months ago when it seemed apparent she wouldn't need them to secure her nomination. Then flip flop on the issue once it became obvious she would not be able to win the nomination without them. Changing the rules in the middle of an election is counter to the spirit of democracy. 2- Bricotrout is stunned that The DNC has created and utilized the concept of 'super delegates' which are individual voters selected to have their vote worth not 1 simple vote as every other voter in the U.S. but rather worth 1 delegate vote which is worth closer to 10,000 or so individual votes. That itself is completely counter to the ideals of democracy. '1 person, 1 vote' is what 'democracy' means... nothing less. In short, Mr. Ickes, the entire concept of 'substituting the votes of many for the judgement of one' is what the Democratic Party has been about for years. 3- Bricotrout is stunned that Clinton and her supporters actually believe it is a fair concept to award the delegates of Michigan as their votes were cast when Obama and every other major candidate except Clinton had withdrawn their names from the voting ballot and had not campaigned there as they had all agreed to do weeks earlier! This one floors me! Clearly the Clinton camp are not supporters of democracy. Here's how I got there: One thing that has always made my jaw tighten and my teeth grit is when I hear of underhanded tactics meant to suppress peoples votes, their will to vote or for whom their vote will be cast. In 2004 people were registering to vote in front of a Walmart (what state/states I do not recall). It seems the people collecting the registration forms systematically disposed of all forms that had the Republican Party affiliation box checked. Hence, these diligent would-be voters were never registered and not allowed to vote in the end. Actions carried out by individuals who are not true believers of democracy. It is now well known that in 2000 Karl Rove spearheaded a smear campaign of then Governor Bush's Republican opponent John McCain by spreading (if not flat out creating) the lie that McCain had fathered an illegitimate black child. It was more important to The Bush camp that people vote based on untruths rather than truth itself (a philosophy that was repeated BTW in drumming up public support for an illegal war that has since caused the death of nearly 4000 U.S. soldiers). Such an attitude is in direct contrast to the ideal of 'democracy' itself. One who supports democracy supports the idea of the elected official being nominated by having collected the most individual votes in a fair, level-playing-field election whereupon rules are established ahead of time and not changed halfway through the process; and whereupon as many able bodied voters are included the process as possible. Clinton and all her tear-shedding, wailing, foot-stomping, tantrum-throwing, belly-aching supporters who want delegates issued to her, that she did not win in primaries where all candidates campaigned (again, as earlier agreed upon by all involved!), are not supporters of democracy at this stage. One who supports democracy believes that it is in the union's best interest for it to be run by an individual who was elected by a majority of the voting public after a fair and honest campaign on the issues. How can someone who supports democracy and wants their vote cast and counted, vote for someone who clearly wants to collect their votes in a process that they have manipulated to favor them in an unbalanced way? That is not democracy and that voter is not a supporter of democracy. Plain and simple!