BONDTOGRAPHY ANNOUNCEMENT

My new weekly photo challenge site is up and ready. Anyone with a camera and a pension for sleuthing please participate at BONDTOGRAPHY. I look forward to seeing everyone in this new context!

WHAT COMES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND

As The Nut inches nearer its 2nd birthday, I reflect on how things began here. Not because I presume anyone cares what exactly collects dust in the furthest corners of the archives, rather because I feel largely disconnected and uninspired with what The Nut is churning out today. This blog has served me on so many levels. The results have been far too wide and broad to try to list them what has resulted from this venture. And far too positive to sum them up in a simple post. Alas, I have come to a point where I find posts like those in May 2005 to be more substantive than what has been produced as of late. 'So what?' right? Well, instead of shutting things down here due to a complete lack of motivation, The Nut will remain but posting will be sporadic and when there is a post it will resemble those of early 2005. When more was said when less was said. Two new sites will soon be added. One dedicated to my thoughts and experiences as a single father. This project will be an ongoing gift to Aspen. Pictures, memories, bits of wisdom, etc for her to hold dear through her years. Anyone will be welcome to read but the posts will not be open to comments. There won't be an announcement when that begins but I suppose one will be able to find it through my user profile if'n they tried. The other is a photo challenge site which I swear will be up and running shortly. An announcement for that one will be made loud and clear over here. It is my hope that anyone with a camera who frequents The Nut will choose to participate at least every once and a while at Bondtography. Until then, you're all the coolest. Each and every blog I have on my sidebar is unique and encases many memories for me. And I'll keep stopping in when the mood strikes me.

I AM SO DMB!

After careful planning and conniving for the last few weeks I finally managed to get Tish's work address from her without her suspecting anything. How did I do this? By saying "Yo doll, gimme your work address." "Um, why?" "Um... er... just cause!" See how smooth one can be if they really try. Gentlemen, be still in my presence. I have much to teach. In fact, the real reason I sought Tish's work address (to be posted later), I had a completely original and novel idea. I learned that there are shops in some U.S. cities that specialize in flower arrangements. And believe it or not, many of these shops are able to be contacted via the internet. And to make things even more oddly convenient, they will not only sell you a floral arrangement of your choosing but they will also deliver said floral arrangement to any given address within a reasonable distance. Are you following my train of thought on this? It occurred to me that all I needed was Tish's work address, access to the internet, and a non-maxed out credit card in order to pull off what might be the greatest Valentine's Day surprise in the history of... Valentines Day surprises. My plan was to secretly have delivered to Tish's place of business a bouquet of flowers with a card from me saying "I love you Tishy. Happy Valentines Day!" I was sure that the shear genius and originality of this idea would land me a spot on Larry King or something. But there was one flaw. One tiny grain of sand in the ointment of love. Those shops that specialize in floral arrangements and deliveries... need more than 24 hours notice from time of delivery. So, instead of going down as the most creative and thoughtful boyfriend ever by Tishy and her coworkers, I'm left here in cyberspace to grovel my way out of the doghouse. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TISHY! I LOVE YOU! MWAH?

THE BRICO GENE

It runs in the family apparently. The national CogAT (cognative abilities test) was given to elementary kids last November. Aspen's results came back yesterday. I don't mean to brag but I wanted to bring attention to the benefits that await if your child has the Brico gene as a part of their DNA. Aspen scored in the 98 percentile nationally in verbal reasoning, 94 in quantitative ability, and 91 in nonverbal ability. Reasoning, logic, deduction. She gets that from me. You see, I'm Spock minus the ears. Buddha minus the enlightened aspect (any day now! I can feel it!). Don Juan minus the whole mastering the woman's body & mind thing... wait, where was I going with this? Anyhoo, if any of my female readers out there would like to have the obviously superior brico gene flowing through the veins of your next offspring simply check with Tish for permission first (her email addy is on the post below) then set aside 2 minutes of any day that is convenient for you. Remember: leave $5 on the dresser afterward. I look forward to hearing from you!

DUMBASSES, 4 STAR ALBUMS, AND SPENDING SPREE DILEMMAS

First order of business: Tish has made her blog private due to an ex boyfriend's lunatic wife who has been leaving quite unpleasant (and untrue) anonymous comments. Thanks to her site meter she was able to track it back to his computer. Word to the wise: if you're gonna stalk somebody's blog and you don't want them to know, don't link over to the blog from your very own email account. Makes it pretty easy to figure out who you are. So, if anybody wants to be included on her private viewing list (not quite as sensual as it sounds there) email her at chattiekat@gmail.com. Next order of business: If there are any photographers (or would be photogs) out there interested in participating in a weekly photo challenge of a unique nature, tune back in later this week. I am in the finishing stages of setting up the website and will make an announcement later this week. Thirdly: A friend turned me on to John Mayer's new album 'Continuum' last week. I gotta tell you, I have a bad tendency to not like a CD no matter who it's by the first time I hear it. Even if its one of my favorite bands. And this compilation was no different. But upon the second listen I started warming up to it. And every subsequent time I play it I fall madly in love with yet another song on it. Rolling Stone gave this 4 out 5 stars and for good reason. I finally bought the CD yesterday. Then, like clock work, last night it wins the 'Best Pop Album' Grammy. It beat out the odds on favorite Justin Timberlake's 'Futureback Lovesex Something' Check it out and pay special attention to 'Vultures' and 'In Repair'. Finally, I should be getting my tax returns soon. The boat will be paid off and I will be faced with the decision of taking me and Aspen to Hawaii for spring break or getting her a horse (as soon as her lessons are done). I think I know which she would enjoy more and treasure longer.

ANOTHER GOAL ACHIEVED

Recently I became determined to finally learn to solve the rubik's cube. Tish got me the cube (the real one, not the 'for blondes' version in the picture), I found a how-to manual at the local used bookstore for $2. Then I set out to solve it. It took me about 2 hours of reading the book before I put the thing together for the first time. It's a bit challenging to memorize all the possible scenarios that encompas each step. So I shall keep referring to the book until I have no more need for it. Oddly enough, a number of people have seen me looking at the book while fiddling with the puzzle. There is a recurring theme to be found in their comments to me. It goes something along the lines of "Oh that's cheating!" "Oh really? Screw you!" is my response. "Since when is referring to a manual on how to do something 'cheating'?" Is it 'cheating' if I refer to my car's owner's manual when trying to replace a fuse? I sure as hell hope my doctor doesn't consider it 'cheating' when he reviews procedure for a vasectomy the night before I drop my drawers in his office! I don't think Aspen's teacher considers it 'cheating' when she studies her spelling words before a test. I pray to god almighty that when we fly to Hawaii that the pilot doesn't consider it 'cheating' when it comes time to review his flight plan before we take off! And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the I.R.S. doesn't consider my creative math a form of 'cheating'. I'm bettering myself! I saw a challenge and I am on the path to completing it. What have you done with your life today you miserable cynic? Anyway, when I completed it for the first time I was so pleased that I shouted "I am so smart! s.m.r.t.!" Aspen, in the other room (while cheating for her upcoming spelling test) shouted back "Yeah, but I am s.m.r.t.'er!" HA! That she is! That she is!

TEN SIGNS I'M NEARING DEATH

1- I get winded after a quickie 2- AARP membership forms are telling me it's now or never 3- When looking into a vasectomy the doctor says "It's probably not necessary at this point" 4- I just don't get the audial vomit that passes as music today 5- My knees are now louder than my bowels 6- Caloscopy bags? I'm seeing their appeal 7- I got a call back interview for the Walmart greeting person 8- When taking in a yard sale I keep an eye out for a good shower stool 9- I seem to be the only one who finds the movie theatre to be too loud and too cold 10- Punk kids, the world is full of nothing but punk kids anymore! Now if you'll excuse me, if I don't get my second nap in there is no way I manage to stay awake for Lawrence Welk

RAISE YOUR HAND IF...

Raise your hand if you plan (or did plan) to take advantage of the empty streets and do something other than watch Super Bowl XLI (41) at 6pm this Sunday. And what was that something else?

RAISE YOUR HAND IF...

Raise your hand if you have ever left a comment on someone's blog deliberately annonymous because you didn't want the blog's author to know it was you. Bonus question: Whose blog was it and what did you say? p.s. okay, i know several of you jokers are intending to leave your comment to this post as 'anonymous'. so let me beat you to the punch... 'ha ha ha. very funny. you are so clever. touche. nicely done. i didn't see that coming.'

RAISE YOUR HAND IF...

Raise your hand if you use those sanitary wipes they provide at the grocery stores to wipe down a shopping cart before handling it? Why? or Why not for god's sake?