TEN SIGNS I'M NEARING DEATH

1- I get winded after a quickie 2- AARP membership forms are telling me it's now or never 3- When looking into a vasectomy the doctor says "It's probably not necessary at this point" 4- I just don't get the audial vomit that passes as music today 5- My knees are now louder than my bowels 6- Caloscopy bags? I'm seeing their appeal 7- I got a call back interview for the Walmart greeting person 8- When taking in a yard sale I keep an eye out for a good shower stool 9- I seem to be the only one who finds the movie theatre to be too loud and too cold 10- Punk kids, the world is full of nothing but punk kids anymore! Now if you'll excuse me, if I don't get my second nap in there is no way I manage to stay awake for Lawrence Welk