1- I get winded after a quickie
2- AARP membership forms are telling me it's now or never
3- When looking into a vasectomy the doctor says "It's probably not necessary at this point"
4- I just don't get the audial vomit that passes as music today
5- My knees are now louder than my bowels
6- Caloscopy bags? I'm seeing their appeal
7- I got a call back interview for the Walmart greeting person
8- When taking in a yard sale I keep an eye out for a good shower stool
9- I seem to be the only one who finds the movie theatre to be too loud and too cold
10- Punk kids, the world is full of nothing but punk kids anymore!

Now if you'll excuse me, if I don't get my second nap in there is no way I manage to stay awake for Lawrence Welk