I Have So Much to Teach... Let's Start with the Basics

(If youre a tattoo gallery owner with a very lovely and respectable daughter, you do not need to read this post) If when making a phone call late at night to your Special Someone informing them that 1- you miss them and 2- that at that moment you have your hand down your pants and if they have a generic voicemail message simply saying 'mailbox #4127, leave your message at the tone' you will want to make absolutely certain before leaving said message that mailbox #4127 is indeed the mailbox # of said Special Someone and not that of your coworker whose phone number just happens to be located in your directory right above the number of your Special Someone. If you fail to take this precautionary measure you will have a very embarrasing and long day at work the next day, particularly if your coworker can play said message over his speakerphone.

Raise Your Hand If...

Raise your hand if you can name this tune (no fair peeking at others answers!) (OH, and no fair Googling the lyrics either!!!) "... I got tired of packing and unpacking. From town to town up and down that dial. Baby you and me were never meant to be. So just stop and think of me once and awhile..."

Ten Things I did During my Hiatus

1- Turned 37 (hear that Kalani? 37 NOT 40!) 2- Wondered why on earth I was still averaging 70 hits a day. 3- Got an audit notice on my 2003 federal return (damnit! forgot to carry the 13!) 4- Helped out on graphics for four friends blogs 5- Worked on a couple of joint HNT projects with other cherished blogger friends (coming soon) 6- Lost 8 pounds (is blogging really that fattening?) 7- Watched Aspen's mother continue to ruin her life (stay tuned for updates) 8- Watched my Broncos beat the alotted 12 point spread I gave Dale against his Raiders in our blog bet (stay tuned for his payoff) 9- Had a blog friend's fetus named after me (how fricken cool is THAT!!!) 10- Hosted an extended private blogger sleepover party (stay tuned for updates)

The Real Reason I'm Back (or Brico Needs Refamiliarization with the Female Anatomy)

In the midst of a few of the provacative pics I had received during my absence, there was one that stuck out in an amusing way. Not so much because of the pic itself but because of the conversation between the sender and I that preceeded and came after its arrival. The corespondent has stated that I may post about this only if her identity is never revealed (you can guess all you want but I am a man of my word so dont ask). Here are the email excerpts from that night: Hot Blogger: Oh! I do have a 'risque' picture in hopes of persuading you back, but I'm so damned chicken to send it. I'm working on courage at the moment!! LOL Bricotrout: By all means send me the pic!! lol. ill treasure it! it may just be the one that encourages me back, you never know! ;) HB: Ok .ok ... wait --- I'm still working on some courage. BT: heres some courage" GO *******! GO *******! YOUR THE BRAVE ONE! SEND THE PICTURE(S?)! LOL HB: BUT ........... but where might it end up?!?!?!? BT: all of those pics are in a vault! THAT you can trust, i assure you (i know it sounds like what any guy would say right?) i wouldnt dare betray my friends nor risk having future pics sent to me! my hand to buddha! ;) HB: OMG!! Ok ... here it is ... and I'm sending this ONLY due to your last 4 words here!! Check it out ... BUT I took away the color, because for some reason, it looks less 'risque' in black and white!! Don't forget --- this is supposed to help coax you back to blogging!! BT: (gets a phone call and steps away from computer for 10 minutes before picture arrives) HB: OMG ... where are you?! I sent it and now I haven't heard back from you. Ok, I realize it wasn't very revealing - but to ME it was. You did get it right??? BT: (still not back from phone call, still hasnt seen pic) HB: Ok, I sent you my picture .... I beared myself (or is that "bared"?!) and now I get no reply?! This is NOT leaving me feeling too well! I was all nervous sending it - you're NOT helping me here! You'd best be doing something constructive and not just sitting there laughing at me! BT: (finally back and sees pic) holy shit! I LOVE that! you have a belly chain with buddha on it AND youre clean shaven? ubelievably fricken hot!! i highly encourage you to make that your HNT pic! it is too artsy not to share and not that risque!! it has to be shared! thankyou SO much. ill treasure it! HB: Oh man! I am SO NOT SURE how to take that!! My buddha is on my boobs!! My very PUSHED UP boobs!! I took others - but there is just NO WAY I'm sharing. You're just sitting there laughing up a grand old time aren't ya?! Smartass!! BT: OMG!!! i thought that was a belly chain and your legs were pressed tight!!! ROFL. look at it from my perspective!! you HAVE to post that as your HNT now since its cleavage and not...um... other stuff. and NO i was not laughing at all! i got a phone call at the same time you sent it! it is a frickin great pic! i say that honestly! it would be interesting to see how many people think that thats cleavage or how many thought along my lines! i cant be the only one, i cant! i WONT!thankyou again! PLEASE post it! youll enjoy the comments i swear! HB: Ok, now I'm pissing myself laughing!! I keep going back and looking at it and all I see are my boobs! I don't see what you see!!! BT: ROFL!! if you dont post this as a pic i beg of you to let me post it (without your name!) and tell people about this email exchange!! this is too funny! now it does look more like cleavage to me i admit. and when i first saw it i thought "wow! i havent seen a woman have her legs pressed that firmly together since i tried to singlehandedly bring back the speedo fashion trend." now all i see is cleavage. but GORGEOUS cleavage!!! what do you say? this is too good not to share! HB: Oh, I dunno. Can you see how red my cheeks are?? Will people never know who it is? Does this mean you'll BLOG?!?!? Do you mean I may have sent 'the right pic' to entice you back?! I dunno ..... BT: gee ******* i dunno, IF i could post something like this i would definately come back! i couldnt pass up such an opportunity! but without that incentive i just may have run my blogging course. ;) i would not mention your name at all. though i might challenge people to try and guess. it would be funny to see their responses. HB: oh, the pressure!!!! Do you realize the HERO in blogland I'd be??? Seriously - I'd be anonomous - but peoples from all over blogland would be forever grateful to ME - for having brought you back to us!! lemme think HB: OMG!! I see it now!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW I see why you thought that!! Good God!!!! I cannot believe I didn't see that before!! BT: so how funny would that be to see how many people think the same thing?! HB: ok, look ... if this brings you back to blogging - (thus making me a 'hero', 'cuz everyone will be all happy that you're back) .... and if there's no way anyone would know it was me -- that means NO ONE --- and I know everyone has their 'one person' they tell shit to --- you cannot!! Not even to your 'one person'. I guess it would be pretty funny. I need to be able to laugh at myself. So, you must PROMISE - and --- as a female (insert her astrological sign here) - I take promises VERY seriously! As an aside - you know, the clean shaven thing kinda sucks ... it is NOT comfortable after a coupla days, and it hurts to shave again too soon! That skin is delicate! All the women I know that have tried it agree. We also agree that when we're with a guy ... whose not cleanly shaven on his face ... and he's ahhh ... pleasuring his woman ... well, please - be clean shaven!! You can be an oral magician - but if you're prickly -- the magic gets lost!! (just as an FYI to a guy!) I shave most - but not all anymore ... perhaps that is why I couldn't see what you saw right off! BT: lol. ill keep all the hygene advice front and center for when that might come up for me again (MIGHT come up i say). i can assure you i wont tell anyone (not even my secret tell to person) that its you. and if anyone guesses its you i wont affirm or deny it in any way. keep in mind, as far as HNT goes its still a fairly timid shot so i dont think i would get a barage of people killing themselves to figure it out. also, most of my readers are women and ill include that your identity is secret and i think theyll respect that. it will be a fun post. i have to save all these emails now to include their text in the post. thanks. HB: ok ... go for it. BUT WAIT --- Does this mean you're coming back to blogging??? You did not clarify that. Clarify that FIRST! (and yes, keep the fyi advice front and center!) BT: yeah, because of this ill come back! HB: Well, first of all ... I'm glad you're coming back to blogville. Everyone misses you. Let me know when you post that ... and have a great night. Happy b-day too! So there you go dear blogger friends. Do any of you see what I see/saw? Am I the only one out there who cant tell cleavage from ass crack from... well, any other part of a female's body? No wonder Ive been single for so long! And 3 cheers for our mystery cleavage presenter. She and this picture are why The Nut is back open today. Give her a hand for having the courage to take down a few bricks in that metaphorical wall of hers!

*tap tap* "Is this thing on?"

It's musty in here, I'm going to open up some windows. Did I leave the oven on?!? THAT'S going to be expensive!... Oh...Hello! Come on in. Have a seat. Can I get you a drink? Looks like all I have is month old milk... What's that? 'What's new' you ask? We'll first off I would like to give a sincere thanks to everyone who emailed, called, texted, commented, came by for an extended sleep-over or otherwise sent well wishes during my sabbatical. There were lots of you! I became another year older in my absence and Kalani and Tish each gave me super-cool-I'll-cherish-them-till-I-perish birthday gifts. Thanks you two! I was all smiles on that day because of you guys! Some of you cared enough to ask how I was doing and sought speculative updates as to my return status. Some (yes, not just one!) even tried to entice my early return by sending daring pics (see tomorrow's post!!). However, I was dedicated to the whole month as you can see and for good reason. No more than 15 minutes after I had made the post about taking a month off I got in the shower and noticed what a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had not been aware just how much of a burden I had allowed The Nut to become. The sense of obligation to it and my blog friends had become overwhelming and I was oblivious to it. Even though I knew something was wrong, I didn't know quite what. But after much debate and meditation I am hoping that I have found a way to balance this very positive hobby with the rest of my life so that sense of obligation and burden is kept at bay. Therefore you may notice a few changes around here. I had to set down some firm rules for myself and these are they: I will no longer play on the computer while I should be interacting with Aspen, period. This means I will only be on late at night after she is asleep or occasionally at work. My posts will be for me alone. (This sounds like a given right? I was surprised how many of you that I talked to actually felt at times that they had begun to placate to their perceived audience as well) My posts will be a bit more personally revealing and self challenging than before. Hopefully just as humorous though. I wont enter into the blogworld until all other chores and what-have-yous are tended to. As a result of all this I will not have the opportunity to comment on everyone else's blogs as frequently as I had tried to in the past. That is a fact that has been hard for me to come to terms with. I am always truly touched every time a fellow blogger deems a post worth commenting on and I have that drive to want to reciprocate. I feel like a less than good friend if I don't. So please do not take it personally if I haven't commented on your site in a while. If I could add four more hours to the day I would. All this means basically that I will not be posting daily as I did before. How frequently? I'm not sure yet. We'll have to see. There were points during the last month where I was sure that I was going to call it quits. That a sense of balance would be too hard for me to maintain. And while I still wonder if that may be true, the reason I felt it was worthwhile to give it a second effort was a lot of you all. As a single father I don't get the opportunity to socialize as much as I would like so the interactions I have with fellow bloggers makes me feel like not quite such a shut in. Audra, Kalani, Tish, Katehopeeden, Sasha, Lance, Rabbit, Mara, Addict, Wendy, Duff, Jackie, Dale, Femi... thankyou! Each of you know why. And for the rest of you out there: Thanks for being patient! I dig you! So, lets try this again...