GRASPING AT STRAWS

Really? That's what The Republican party is going to go after? Scrambling for scraps like junk yard dogs McCain's campaign runners and spin doctors believe that because Obama referred to a great uncle as 'uncle' and confused the names of 2 concentration camps from over 60 years ago that he is somehow unqualified to be President? Walk through this with me... Your father's brother is your uncle, right? Your great grandfather's brother would be your...? Did you say 'great uncle'? Okay, then what is your grandfather's brother to you? That would be your 'grand uncle' yes? Has anyone reading this ever used the term 'grand uncle' before? Likely not. Isn't the term 'uncle' commonly used as a generic relationship title for anyone who is an uncle to you? I have always referred to my grandmother's sister as 'Aunt Edna' just as I have always called my mother's sister 'Aunt Shirley'. I use the same title for 2 different generations. Am I unqualified for public office? Because of that fact I mean! I don't refer to my second cousin twice removed as 'Second Cousin Twice Removed Shane'. Nope, a simple 'Cousin Shane' has always seemed to be adequate and kept us quite comfortably knowledgeable about our true relationship ties. I promise you this: When Obama is done with his first term, opportunist humorists/authors will be frustrated because they will have collected maybe at best 1 page of speech foibles he will have made over that time. As it stands now the book of 'Bushisms' has to be published in a series volumed I - IX which will have more passages than the old and new testaments combined. McCain and The Republican's would do well to focus on important issues (the falling U.S. dollar, deteriorating U.S. relations/image around the globe, an energy policy that includes something other than drilling for oil in Alaska, an abysmal infrastructure, alarming illegal immigration numbers...) rather than if a candidate used the qualifier 'great' before the word 'uncle' when referring to a family member. In case anyone in the Republican party hasn't figured it out, Obama is causing a stir because he speaks frankly about the issues rather than playing petty political games and spins. The people are clearly more interested in a candidate's intelligence, common sense, and moral fortitude than they are in one's experience or proper usage of adjectives (afterall, Bush lowered the bar pretty good on that one - and if Rumsfeld and Cheney are any indicator, experience doesn't mean shit).

NOW A JR. GIRLSCOUT

Aspen bridged from Brownies to Jr. Girlscout this evening. Her brother, who graduates from HS next week, managed to find the time to attend the ceremonies. Here is a pic of the bruise that didn't appear for 4 days after the 'mishap'. Also note the dislocation when the right arm is raised up (which does hurt like hell when I do that). The prescription of hydrocodone ran out a few days ago. The doc is hooking me up with another shipment coming in from south of the border tomorrow! Can't wait! Today's dillar pic was brought to you by Tiffany aka Wandering Girl. Thanks Tiff!

10 UGLY RUMOR'S AS TO HOW MY SHOULDER REALLY GOT INJURED

1- Didn't order the 'suggested' amount of 5 boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year. 2- Had a dream I was the meat in a Kate Hudson & Nicole Kidman sandwich and just woke up that way. 3- Battery in the TV remote was bad and it was easier for me to violently shake it than to get up and change them out. 4- Aspen challenged me to arm wrestling. 5- Got carried away during a karaoke rendition of 'It's Raining Men'. 6- Pushed things too far when trying to break my record of 4 push ups. 7-Couldn't contain myself when I realized American Idol was going to come down to David vs David. 8- An unfortunate origami mishap that I will never speak of publicly. 9- Shouted 'Over my dead body!' at a recent Obama campaign. 10- Didn't properly stretch before my weekly shaving of the nether regions.

BY POPULAR REQUEST...

So it rests in a sling for today. This afternoon I see the orthopedic surgeon for what if anything is next. The bummer thing is that I can't even go kayaking in the meantime! I do everything with my right arm/hand... everything ladies! I am proud to say that after the spill I actually got back on the bike and rode the last 1.5 miles out (total trail was 11 miles). Of course, at that time I didn't know anything other than my pride was really damaged.

STOOPID BIKE TRICKS STRIKE AGAIN

Diagnosis: Fractured R elbow. Seperated R AC. Bruised ribs. Typing with only the left hand sucks! More later when the Vicadin kicks in... or maybe not. p.s. 2006 Trek Fuel mtn bike for sale. $1700.00 new. $5.00 obo. will trade for common sense!

I'M SMARTER THAN THAT GUY

Turns out 19 year old flight attendant Eder Rojas, working for Compass Airlines, did not like the flight route he was assigned on May 7th. So to protest he lit the paper towels in the plane's rear lavatory on fire to cause an emergency landing. His plan was effective. And while noone was hurt by the 'stunt', as a result Mr. Rojas is looking at 20 years in federal prison. Does that route suit you better, Eder?

HOW TO THROW UP QUICK LIKE

If you're ever in the need to hurl in a real hurry, just do what I did... mistake the bottle of Pepto Bismol for the bottle of Calamine Lotion. Yep... that was a fun 15 minutes!

DADDY DID A DUMB THING

Thursday evening Aspen began complaining about an upset stomach. By bedtime she had thrown up. She continued that into the wee hours. I kept her out of school Friday. By midday she was feeling much better and had an appetite again. Come Saturday evening everything was back to normal so we went on with the plans to have her friend stay over. What did I get them for dinner Saturday night? Pepperoni pizza. Big mistake! Here's a simple algebraic equation for you: (tomato sauce + cheese + greasy meat) upset stomach / time since last hurl = huge mess Come 3am Aspen left her friend and came into my bed complaining again. I didn't think much of it. By 3:15 I am taking the sheets and comforters off my bed and tossing them on the porch as Aspen is in the shower washing regurgitated italian cuisine out of her hair. Her friend went home in the morning and Aspen stomach continued to fill trashbags throughout the day. By 3pm I was getting concerned about possible dehydration. But she managed to finally keep some Pepto Bismol down and by 8pm she had managed some chicken soup and toast. She went to school this morning feeling much better and hungrier than I had ever seen her. I warned her about what not to eat at lunch today. Tops on that list was pepperoni pizza. i had no idea these things climbed trees!

3 WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT

Aspen's teacher this year is the most inept I have ever had to deal with. She goes to a blue ribbon school (only 100 or so in the country) with the absolute best resources, student body, committed PTA and dedicated community. Yet the teacher we got stuck with this year seems to be as indifferent as they come. Keep in mind I was a grade school teacher before I became a father so I am speaking with a bit of knowledge on the subject. A good teacher is able to recognize and work with the strengths and weaknesses of his/her students. For example, Aspen's strength is reading. She is in 3rd grade but is reading at a 6.5 grade level. Her weakness is organization. She is fairly scatterbrained when it comes to remembering where she put assignments, to turn them in, when they are due, bringing materials from her main class to her GT class, etc. On the nationalized tests she scores higher than the average kid in her district which scores higher than the national average itself. So she is no dim bulb by any means. But her class grades suffer because of her teacher's theoretical practices that make little sense and are endorsed by no teaching school of thought that I am aware of. Let me illustrate: I used to volunteer every Wednesday in the class with little things to free up the teacher's time. I eventually became involved in designing the yearbook so my class volunteer time dropped off. But while I was logging class volunteer hours I noticed that the desks were in a different formation and Aspen (as well as all students) were always sitting in different locations and next to different kids than the week before. The other practice I observed was that the teacher would hand out a packet and have the kids work on it for a few minutes then have them put it away then work on a something else for a while then go back to the packet later. This process repeats at least 2 or 3 times with each packet and often there is 3 - 4 packets the students are working on at a time! This, rather than simply giving the kids a solid 30 minutes to complete a packet in one sitting! The results of such un-thought-out processes are umpteen opportunities for the students to misplace, get distracted from and lose trains of thought on the lessons. As for the constant classroom rearrangements, this keeps students from getting comfortable and familiar with their surroundings allowing them to perform better. There is no school of thought that promotes such a chaotic and random classroom setting. Aspen more or less aces every question she answers on any test or packet. The problem is that frequently she only answers about 3/4 to as little as 1/2 of the questions because she runs out of time due to easily being distracted (not the teacher's fault per-se) and because she always has trouble relocating her packet after it was put away, because the teacher inexplicably moves the kids onto something else for a while (the teacher's fault per-se). My point is that all of the students in her class would be accomplishing more by a more logically and smoothly run classroom with fewer distractions and interruptions throughout the day. Find a seating chart for the classroom where the children do well and leave it that way! This is not an episode of Pimp My Classroom! And when you hand out an assignment, give them an opportunity to do it! Have a game plan in place for the day where the kids aren't playing musical papers! Oh yeah... enjoy the armadillo pics from here on out.

TESTING 1,2,3

just seeing if this gets a response. sorry for the interuption everyone. carry on.

WOW! LOOK AT ALL THAT FAT!

No not on me, nor on some dame. Nope, the fat I see these days is on the labels I'm looking at. Honestly, I feel like I have been invited into a private club. A club whereupon your membership allows you to relate to all commercials that pitch a low fat product (drink, cereal, snack, etc); all commercials that try to sell you a cholesterol blocking drug; and all commercials that insist you need to do something other than where your sorry ass has gotten you in life up to this point. In attempts to get my triglycerides cut in half I have thrown out nearly every snack food in the cupboards. No more wheat thins. Adios Orville Redenbacher. See ya cashews. Take a hike Triscuits. And get the fuck outta here Pringles (seriously, have you seen the calories from fat content on a serving of those?!). I also tossed away my brand of peanut butter, switched from butter to margarine, layed off cheese, put the rum away, and am now drinking sugar free flavored water. Additionally I now down 2 Omega-3 pills a day (note: Omega-3 acids do not come from fish. While most Omega-3 pills are made of fish oil, this is because Omega-3's come from algae which fish eat. Vegan pills made of cultured algae are available for essentially the same price if you look around) as well as some kind of Panthenine supplement. Furthermore (and you know I'm taking things seriously if there is a 'furthermore' after the 'additionally'), I am on the treadmill for 2 miles a night AND I have the readout set to calories burned rather than time or miles. Now that's dedication! I look forward to going back in for more blood work in 10 weeks after refusing to take the doc's prescription of whichever pharmaceutical whose rep was offering the best incentives this month and having him see my numbers perfectly in line! And for what it's worth: I seem to have already dropped 5 pounds (and weight wasn't my issue at all).