10 UGLY RUMOR'S AS TO HOW MY SHOULDER REALLY GOT INJURED

1- Didn't order the 'suggested' amount of 5 boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year. 2- Had a dream I was the meat in a Kate Hudson & Nicole Kidman sandwich and just woke up that way. 3- Battery in the TV remote was bad and it was easier for me to violently shake it than to get up and change them out. 4- Aspen challenged me to arm wrestling. 5- Got carried away during a karaoke rendition of 'It's Raining Men'. 6- Pushed things too far when trying to break my record of 4 push ups. 7-Couldn't contain myself when I realized American Idol was going to come down to David vs David. 8- An unfortunate origami mishap that I will never speak of publicly. 9- Shouted 'Over my dead body!' at a recent Obama campaign. 10- Didn't properly stretch before my weekly shaving of the nether regions.