It's been a while since I got personal at all here at The Nut. Hmmm, been a while since I been funny too... I'll have to look into that.

Lately it's been on my mind more and more about what kind of relationship Aspen will end up in as she matures.

I suppose this comes from her mother never being able to figure out what makes a working relationship despite her multiple efforts and my apparently not having a huge desire to try anymore to find one for myself.

I have heard, and it makes sense to me, that a person looks to be a partner in a relationship that functions similarly to that of their parents'. Well, seeing that Aspen watches her dad day in and day out and sees no relationship in action... where does that leave her to learn from roll models?

My only conclusion is that she will look to a partner to treat her along the lines of how her dad treated her.

And maybe I'm way off base there, I dunno. Buddha help her if I am!

Anyhoo, bearing this in mind, I have begun to monitor how I 'discipline' and 'lecture' and teach her.

Perhaps it is no longer my place to be the 'authoritarian' and 'elder' whose rules and words are always beyond question and scrutinizing. If her main experience in a relationship with a male, even though it is her daddy, is of a 'what he says goes and that's the end of it' routine, isn't that what she is going to expect when she enters what is supposed to be a 50/50 equal say type of adult relationship?

If she finds comfort and familiartity with her relationship with her father for all those years, and that relationship has always been that 'daddy knows best' and 'the man of the house makes the rules for Aspen to follow', wouldn't it make sense that she will seek comfort in the same type of relationship with a boy when time comes?

Certainly there is a balance to seek. But should I always have the final say in what goes on involving her life? At what point do I let down the guard and let her question and even stand up and say 'You're out of line this time.' (as I will certainly expect her do in her own relationships years from now) and not get steamed that she is resisting my better judgement and authority?

At what parts of the day am I emulating how a parent teaches and protects his child and at what points am I teaching her how she should be treated by a 'partner'? I know 'respect' is a key word for both parts, but there is more to it than that.
Is there a proper answer for this quandry? Is there a book by a wise and insightful father who has spent his time as a single father of a fledgling woman?