SO.VERY.TIRED

For the last 10 months I have had Aspen full time. I get a good deal of help from her mother's ex husband (I guess I should refer to him as Aspen's step father - just because her mother and he aren't married anymore the title still stands, he's worthy of it) and her parents. They are available to watch her on the odd day when there is no school and I have work or the occasional night when I've made plans. Other than that, it's all me. And I'm tired. It takes alot for me to admit that. I don't want to come off as complaining. I'm not. I love every minute of being with my daughter. I love the cooking of dinner, the going over of spelling words and the subtraction flash cards, the chauffeuring to and from horse riding and karate lessons and girl scouts, the braiding of the hair and having to answer questions like "Daddy, what is a bra for?" But doing the solo parent routine (as my mom did after my father died before my 1st b-day) is a tad draining. I have come to need every minute of alone time that I can collect these days. It was even the main cause of a recent failed relationship for me. I now relish that time of the evening when Aspen has been tucked in and drifted away whereupon I can retire to my library (a corner of the living room with a chair and full bookshelf) with a drink and a smoke. I will simply sit there for up to two hours letting my thoughts drift in and out of the pages of whatever book has ended up on my lap. The next thing I know my alarm clock is alerting me that it's time to take my morning shower and wake an eight year old girl who wants nothing but another 2 hours of sleep. There's little room for much else these days. Though I do need to brush up on what exactly a bra is for... other than to make me appear the bumbling fool at the most inopportune moments. Aspen finally has new posts up at her site! (another facet i enjoy)