TEN MISTAKES I MADE IN COURT THAT ALMOST BLEW IT FOR ME

1- When asked to tell 'the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth' I slammed my fist shouting "The truth? You can't handle the truth Your Honor!" 2- Forgot to change into my suit from my 'pot leaf' t-shirt before entering the courtroom 3- Thought the judge would find my continual use of the Borat voice funny. 4- My main argument was "She looks like me so I should have custody, right?" 5- Judge didn't like my saying "She's going to be a model some day Your Honor. I'm gonna be rich!" 6- Apparently it's frowned upon to say "I feel we're not making a connection here judge. Can we do some Jaeger shots together here first before we go any further?" 7- Joking "The reason the defendant isn't present Your Honor is because she's in a trunk in a swamp 40 miles due south of here" is a real no no. 8- Yelling "I object!" when the judge says "You may be seated" doesn't fly with 'the man'. 9- Interrupted His Honor by saying "Can we speed this up? Happy hour at the Gentleman's Club ends in 30 minutes" 10- Shouldn't have said "I'm sorry I'm flustered Your Honor. I'm not used to being in a court room without shackles on."