RUSTY NUT MOVIE REVIEW

You thought I was blowing smoke up your ass! You thought I didn't have the stamina for it! You thought "There is no way he is that geeky!" Well screw you all in your stupid asses! I am too! As priorly pledged, I did indeed go see Lady In The Water and Clerks II last night alone after work (and for only the price of one ticket I might add ('stick it to the man', that's my moto!) So lets do a quick review of these fresh Hollywood flicks (if you haven't seen either of these yet, don't sweat it. I aint gonna give nothing away)... Lady In The Water: Everyone dies at the end of this film. You don't see this coming at all so Shyamalan sticks to his twist endings. At least you know there won't be a sequel. HA! I kid 'cause I love. Seriously, I found the movie compelling and captivating. I love LOVE Shyamalan and have been waiting for this since the day after The Village came out. I'm not going to reveal anything about the ending but I will be curious to see if anyone else felt a tad taken-a-back when the credits start to roll. Funny how an awesome film can be only a marginal film if the ending is off. I know that's vague but it's a Shyamalan movie. If I say anything more revealing than that I risk ruining something. Clerks II: If Kevin Smith hadn't already made Dogma this would be his masterpiece. I remember vividly when Clerks came out. It was so different yet raw and real that it was mesmorizing. The non stop and perfectly delivered dialogue had me swept away. Clerks II is just as well delivered with an even better Kevin Smith behind the camera. The fact that its got a budget 100 times that of the original doesn't make it feel overproduced at all. There are too many laugh out loud discussion points to count. Like the 12 minute discussion on whether or not ass to mouth sex is a no no or the umpteen times Randal gets Helen Keller and Anne Frank confused and the donkey show that goes terribly wrong (warning: this might not be a movie for kids under 7). And though I miss them terribly, true to the original film, Jay and Silent Bob are merely in the background in this one. It's a bit weird since they played such a huge part in Dogma and Strike Back. But Clerks isn't about them, rightfully so. One critic says that Clerks tries to have it both ways, sentimental and childish, and fails. WTF? So the audiance is laughing it's collective ass off for 90 minutes about a naive character believing that his girfriend has a troll living in her twat. Does that mean that we can't sit slently for 10 minutes during a heartfelt discussion about friendship and doing something with your life? Fuck that critic! Fuck.him.in.his.stupid.ass! And while it went by too fast for me to be sure, I think my name is in the credits. Smith put every myspace friend of Clerks II at the end of the credits. Pretty shnazzy! All in all I'd give Lady 3.5 stars out of 5 and Clerks a full on 5 out of 5!