SUCK MY BALLS SOUTH CAROLINA DEPARTMENT OF NATURAL RESOURCES!

... and give the left one some extra attention. It doesn't hang quite as low and often gets ignored. So, Thursday I truck 80 miles down to Columbia, SC to register The Sea Weeder. I was told all four times I called that I did have the proper paperwork in my possession and only needed an ID and the registration fee $ to get my sticker and updated title. Any guesses as to what happened? You guessed it! They had their heads up their asses and didn't bother to look a bit deeper into their database to see that the guy who had signed his bill of sale to me was no longer the legal owner of the boat. Even though it is still registered to him (because numb nut #1 never registered it in his name) it is in their records that he had sold it. They couldn't have told me this before I drove down there on my day off? No, they wanted to tell me this once I got there in person. Not only that but they confiscated the notarized bill of sale I had saying it was a fraudulent document since the signer was no longer the legal owner. So I ask them ever so nicely what the fuck am I supposed to do get this boat legal so I can put it on the water without risking a $740.00 fine. It seems I have to track down the registered owner and have him sign another bill of sale to the legal owner (numbnut #1) and have that notarized, then I have to track down numbnut #1 and have him sign a legal bill of sale to the guy I bought the boat from (numbnut #2) and have that notarized. Then I have to have numbnut #2 sign a legal bill of sale to me and have that notarized. Then I have to add up all the registration fees, taxes and late fees for myself and numbnuts #1 - 2 and pay those charges ($191 total) when I come back down to Columbia the next time. Keep in mind, I have no idea who the registered owner or numbnut #1 are or where they live! But SCDNR has a solution for that. All I have to do is pay them $10 for a title search and I can have their names and outdated addresses. What is that shit?! She's got the names sitting on a form right in front of her and I gotta pay her $10 to move her hand 9" forward so I can reach it? Can someone say 'extortion'? So I pay the extortion fee and get a barely legible photocopy of a Xeroxed photocopy of an old faxed form that appears to have some names and addresses on it. It's hard to tell really, it may have just been a Rorschach painting. So I treck back home with no title or registration sticker but a pretty expensive piece of paper that has some kind of abstract drawing on it. But I'm a doer, an accomplisher, a man of action. When the chips are down you can count on me. I manage to get online to try a person search but then remember that I am terrible at that kind of thing. But a friend at work is awesome at that kind of thing, and within ten minutes I have a return phone call with the current names, phone numbers and addresses of registered owner and numbnut #1. Well, long story short, 7 hours and 120 miles of back and forth traveling later I have three notarized bills of sale linking me to the original owner. This is what I was told was all I needed. So Friday morning I truck back down to the friendly and helpful folks at SCDNR (as opposed to going to work) to put their assurances to the test. But wait! As I'm sitting there waiting for the office to open I realize that each form was supposed to be signed on the front as well, along with SSN and DL #'s!! Damnit all! But I'm an improvisor! And a few squiggles and random numbers later the forms are completely filled out just as the door is unlocking. I am first in line and the same lady who helped (and I use that term about as loosely as possible) me yesterday looks at me surprised. "You didn't expect to see me again so soon did you?" I says. "No, I certainly didn't" she replies as she takes the papers from me looking at me as suspiciously as possible. But she couldn't argue with the notary seals so 30 minutes later I walked out of the building with a title and proper decal stickers! See you all on the water Sunday!