COUNTDOWN TO MENTAL COLLAPSE

Hmmm, the dashboard lights in the jeep went out the other day. I can get them to flicker on and off if I jiggle the stick in neutral but that and a quarter gets me a gumball. The brightside is that now when Johnny Lawman pulls me over for doing 95 on the freeway I can honestly reply "Why no officer, I have absolutely no clue how fast I was going" and point to my unlit dashboard. This is good because the fine for driving an unsafe vehicle is not as hefty as the fine for driving 30 miles over the speed limit. I should have thought of breaking my control panel lights years ago. I could have saved myself thousands! In brighter news (ha! get it? i'm too much sometimes!) I'm taking Ed (Aspen's 16 yr old brother - my ex's son from her first marriage) to The Dave Matthews' show tonight. That should be cool. Hopefully he'll have lots of friends hell be running into. Particularly the 18 yr old high school senior honey kind of friends. I'll bring my camera. And 'damnit all!' if I don't have to drive down to Columbia, SC Thursday (hour and a half) to register The Sea Weeder ($100) and the jetski (hmmm, never bothered to name that for some reason.. The Rusty Jet maybe?... $115) which I never registered when I bought it 2 years ago. I have called the SC Wildlife Dept everyday for the last week giving them my specific scenarios, making sure I have the right forms filled and notarized, the right forms of ID, pics of the hull numbers, etc. Ive gotten the same responses every time I've called, in fact I'm pretty sure the old ladies who work there recognize my voice by now, no matter what name I give them (Brico, Benedict, Guizeppe, Adolph, etc). But you watch!!! I'll get all the way down there and they will have forgotten to tell me about some other form I was supposed to have notarized by the previous owner or a picture of some other number from the vessel that I didn't get or some proof of residency or something like that and I'm here to tell you the shit is going to hit the fan!! I will be steemed, nay, pissed!! Watch CNN Thursday afternoon for the breaking story "Keith Urban's ex lover arrested for assault on government employees in Columbia, SC"