The Last Laugh

This was probably the biggest laugh I ever had the privilege of enjoying... Scene 1: In my girlfriend's college dormroom. Early afternoon. Alone. Doing what college sweethearts do in such a setting. Shortly afterward her phone rings. Its her mom. She takes the call and starts chatting. I seize the opportunity and give her a lesson in self control. I don't want to get graphic or turn this into a smut log so use your imagination. She does her best to contain herself and not let on to her mom what exactly is going down. Finally the phone call is ended and I am slapped repeatedly in a fun a good natured way. We laugh it over for a few minutes... Scene 2: About a week later. She and I are relaxing in my dormroom which I have to myself for the weekend. Nothing is going on at the moment. The phone rings (these are the old phones when they still had cords). I pick it up. Its a fraternity brother (that's right! Sigma Chi!) needing some top secret info or something. So I take the call. And my ever so playful girlfriend decides to repay the favor from a week earlier. However, my bro only needed one or two quick questions answered. That was it. Two really quick yes or no questions and he was ready to say "okay thanks, gotta go" Now, I KNOW exactly what's going to happen: Im going to say goodbye and the ever so playful girlfriend is going to decide that play time is done now that the call is over. Thats all. Have a laugh. Go back to what we were doing before (nothing) I DON'T THINK SO! And I get an idea: I refrain from saying the words 'goodbye' on the phone. I cant let him onto what's going down or all bets are off. I have to make it sound like the conversation is important, urgent, and complicated. He keeps saying goodbye but all I say is "okay" and "that's fine" and "sounds good then". He eventually hangs up. I quietly reach over to the phone base and gently press down the button with my finger so as not to disturb girlfriend's concentration. Now all those years of childhood acting and improv class are about to pay off (thanks mom). I keep the receiver to my ear and keep on talking... "right" pause "how long will it take Yoach to get there?" pause "can Tripod make it instead?" pause "no? how about Sleastack or Digger" pause "okay, then tell Chud to stop by and pick up the kegs after he and Noodle are back from getting the dry ice" pause "what do you mean they didn't order the dry ice?!" pause "so how far is that?" pause "okay, this is not good. that was Stork's job to order the ice so if Chud has to drive another 20 miles to get then Stork is paying him for the gas, that's ridiculous." pause Keep in mind, I'm making this up on the fly. There IS noone on the other end. And it would be a cold day in hell before Yoach or Chud would let me tell them what to do anyway. So about 3 minutes into my monologue, girlfriend doing her very best to keep me distracted, me in deep conversation on the phone, what do you suppose happens? THE PHONE RINGS!!! the very phone on which I am supposed to be having a long conversation is now eliciting loudly and clearly the message that 'noone is using this phone at the moment despite the reciever being off the hook and pressed to Trout's ear' Silence... I freeze. I have to think fast. All positive sensation that I had been enjoying for the last 5 minutes quickly subsides. Girlfriend's face begins to appear from behind her long hair. I try to save the situation from complete chaos! "Um, hold on Skeeter, I got another call coming through" I try to fake it. Of course, I don't think there even WAS call waiting at the time and even if there was the phone doesn't ring out loud when a second call comes in. Her look changes from confusion to realization to anger. I am unable to restore the previous situation, the gig is up. I answer the phone once again as I try to avoid the coldest and most vengeful-promising eyes I had ever seen. I can not contain myself and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as a sharp pain begins to encompass my lower region. I have to hang up the phone to save myself from further injury. Lets just say that I didn't look too far off from Ben Stiller's plight in Cameron Diaz's bathroom in Something About Mary. I was never able to find out who that second call was from, what they wanted, or most importantly: what they heard.