The Alligator Episode

This is my daughter's favorite story that I tell from my youth... you get a good idea of just what kind of youth I was (is?)... Scene: A bird/wildlife sanctuary near the Louisiana bayou. There are many inlets of water coursing through extended quiet greenways nice for walking. Great undisturbed area rich with trees, birds, alligators (2 of which we had earlier fed an entire can of cheeseballs to - THERE'S and ad that a marketing firm has yet to employ), etc. The Setting: Mom and stepdad are sitting on a bench about 20ft off a lagoon's edge staring out over the water at the abundance of birds and reeds in the breeze, enjoying a quiet moment to themselves (or so they think). I (about 12 years at this time) see my opportunity for one of my favorite pastimes (pranks), particularly when said prank involves scaring the living bejesus out of someone, especially when that someone is a close relative, and even better when that relative is out in public view! This was a prank factor 10! No question about it! I was already grinning ear to ear just waiting for the right moment! ...And then it came... I sneak up ever so stealthily behind said parental units sitting obliviously on said bench overlooking said spectacular view. Once I'm about seven feet away I get down on my hands and knees (they're still unaware of my presence and I'm about to pee my pants in anticipation of the next moment - just like when you're playing hide and seek and you are the hider) I open my mouth and let out my best (imitating voices and sounds has always been a talent of mine - keep that in mind) version of an angry alligator hiss that I can muster while down on my knees (we had heard this sound several times over the course of the day - try telling an alligator that is needing his cheeseball fix that the can is now empty and see what YOU get!) Now I was hoping/expecting to get some kind of reaction. A quick jerk, a mild startle effect, something like this. I guess my alligator hiss imitation was FAR better than I gave myself credit for because within a fraction of a second the entire scene changed. Once that sound filled the immediate area and my folks were under the assumption that an angry, cheeseball-craving gator was right behind them 2 things happened: 1- In an acrobatic move that could not be repeated by even the strongest of athletes or flexiblist of contortionists, my stepdad IN A SINGLE MOVEMENT, moves from a standard bench sitting position into a 180 degree turned around standing position ON TOP of that very bench. If that wasn't enough, in that same motion he adopts the crane position made famous by Ralph Machio as if to not only scare away and intimidate the gator (me) but to also defend his loving/adoring wife who... 2- Is by now 20 yards away arms flailing in the air as she runs, screaming as if a gator (me) was about to make her lunch. So much for her sticking beside her loving man in times of a crisis. As a direct result of 1 & 2 happening, 2 other occurrences quickly followed: 1- I fall to the ground and roll on my back in absolute uncontrollable laughter. Equal parts pleasure at having done such a good job and elation that the reaction exceeded all expectations. 2- The few people that were in the vicinity cognizant of my shenanigans (I guess a preteen crawling up on two adults in a park gets some attention in and of itself) erupt in cheers and applause and pointing fingers. Wits were quickly collected, flailing arms went back down to a standard resting position, raised crane legs were lowered, benches were descended, eyebrows also were lowered, deep breaths were taken, hair was straightened, grass was brushed off clothing, and crowds slowly went on their way. Fortunately for me the prank was appreciated in due course of the afternoon no thanks to the occasional passing tourist at the park who pointed in my direction to his family laughing and nudging his kids.