Ten Things I Learned the HARD Way

1- motorcycle tailpipes are way too hot to stand on (age 5) 2-when sleeping without a mosquito net in Honduras, the rats that are crawling over your sleeping bag are ALOT bigger than they seemed at the time (age 24) 3-nails hammered into a board will pass effortlessly through skin if stepped on (age 11, 18, 21) 4-baggies can be used in place of proper contraceptives (age 17) 5-pennies take five days to pass through your system (age 4) 6- girlfriends arent impressed with the fact that you can ride a bicycle by standing on the top cross bar with no hands if your dismount results in a broken wrist (age 19) 7-pregnant women do not appreciate having their womb likened to a swimming pool even if the comparison was made solely on a basis of function (age 29) 8-telling your boss to "shut it" is not a good idea (2 weeks ago) 9-getting your jeep stuck in the mud costs $85 for a wrecker to get it unstuck (age 35) 10- a kittens claw stuck in your eyelid hurts about as much as standing on a hot motorcycle tailpipe, but takes alot longer to undo (age 22)