Ten Situations I Try to Avoid at All Costs

1- Being the subject of a national news break 2- Evoking the statement "I've never seen the condition this severe before" from my doctor 3- Getting put back onto the Terrorist Watch List 4- Needing to say to someone "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ALMIGHTY DONT LET ME FALL!!" 5- Having a disease named after me 6- Having to explain my actions and/or whereabouts to a judge in Istanbul 7- Me gasping desperately for air 8- Having to follow the tower's directions "Now lower the rear flaps by slowly pulling the large center lever toward you until the altimeter readout says 18,500 " 9-Trying to convince the guard at The Louvre that the 'Vierge Du Jube' was already broken when I got there. 10- Being on the wrong side of the quarantined area door where the word EBOLIS is printed prominently